My first Mother's Day without my mom.

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My first Mother's Day without my mom.

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She's here physically, but she doesn't know she's my mom.

Alzheimer's & Dementia

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Caregivers Asked

Has anyone found a way to convince a parent with dementia that you are their child?
My dad is getting up multiple times a night and believes it’s morning even though it is dark and only 2:00 am. Suggestions?
My father was just diagnosed with early stage dementia. I'm concerned about my family in MI. How do I help from far away?

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A anonymous158299 May 2016 · Answer 1 · 05/09/2016 14:35:23

before my aunt passed away she lost recollection of my name . " oh , that guy with the beard " . she coulda called me joe stalin and it wouldnt have mattered to me . we made each other smile , thats what mattered .

S Saleymom4 May 2016 · Answer 2 · 05/09/2016 12:10:59

Thank you! It was a hard day yesterday. I will look up that book. And my mom thinks I'm her cousin. So I guess I just need to accept that. It's so weird, I still call her mom and she responds. She knows my name but not the relation.

J JJGood19 May 2016 · Answer 3 · 05/08/2016 20:47:21

Sorry, I can't imagine, and yet it's very possible I will be in your shoes one day. (((Hugs)))

J Jinx4740 May 2016 · Answer 4 · 05/08/2016 18:29:43

It certainly hurts.

Can you become a new friend, someone who is not her daughter but is familiar and loved? Repeating that you are her daugher will only upset her. Being her present-day friend can feel good to both of you.

I'm not looking forward to the day when my husband doesn't recognize me.

J jeannegibbs May 2016 · Answer 5 · 05/08/2016 16:06:14

I hate you Alzheimer's! I hate you dementia!

Yes, this is a terrible, terrible disease.

Mourning the very real losses we experience as our loved ones decline with dementia is common and even healthy. If you like to read, I recommend "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia," by Pauline Boss. She has good encouraging things to say on this topic of having loved ones who are both there and not there at the same time.

S Saleymom4 May 2016 · Answer 6 · 05/08/2016 14:31:41

ok, I pressed submit too soon. I don't know how to feel today. My 83 year old mom lives with me. She has Alzheimer's. And she doesn't know I'm her daughter. I feel like I'm mourning my mom even though she's still here. Does that make sense? When I tell her I am her daughter, she looks at me and says, no you are not, if you were I would know. I mean I feel the knife twisting in my heart. This disease is so powerful and cruel that it can take away that most special gift of being a mom. Believe me, I know I exist, I exist somewhere in her memory, in that vault that is locked away. I know I am there. Young and happy and care free, just like she remembers me. Forever young in her eyes. But it hurts terribly that she sees me like no special person. I hate this! I hate you Alzheimer's!