Just wanted to share a couple things I learned along the way, as Mom's caregiver. Mother required being in an Assisted Living Facility as the level of her care was far more than I could do at home, even with in home assistance. She had dementia and was incapable of doing even the simplest things (toileting, dressing, etc) for herself.

I have read and followed so many of the posts on this site for several years now and find them wonderful. I also have seen a couple things that I feel could use some addressing:

1) The guilt we carry when we need to put our loved one in a home, is something we should NEVER try to handle alone. Find a confident, or a therapist, as soon as you find this become heavy. That third party hearing will become invaluable.

2) Do not take as 100% true what that loved one tells you - especially if dementia/Alzheimzer is involved. Get to know the Caregivers that work with the loved one. Talk with them as you would any friend. They can tell you a lot about that loved one (and it has nothing to do with privacy matters). If you have the Medical Power Of Attonery, you can ask anything you want. Remember this Assisted living is "hired" by you not the other way around. You only want what is best your your loved one. And just talking to people for them can help.

3) Do not feel guilty if you find you need to stay away for a while. You need to take care of yourself too. And sometimes that means doing something fun you need for you.

Stay Safe Everyone and be happy for all your giving - as best you can.

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It is unfortunate that being a caregiver to someone with dementia does more harm to our psyche and physical well being than we would have ever thought possible. Caregiving requires a person to set aside their own life, sometimes for years, to make life better for their LO with dementia. And still, after the emotional, physical and social toll caregiving has taken on them, the caregiver feels a sense of guilt in placing their LO in a facility that they, the caregiver, recognizes is best for the both of them. The guilt in caregiving is always self imposed. I would hope guilt could be replaced with relief from the obligation of caregiving, and the promise of better care for the LO.

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