Finally came to the decision...

Alba. My husbands type of Dementia can be worsted by any sudden changes or incidents. Also general anaesthetic

I think that blaming your DH decline on any one incident with any one person is likely not correct. He does have his history and there have to be any number of difficulties that are dreadful for him to try to deal with in his condition, and as difficult for you, as well. I am so sorry for all you are going through. Hope you will update us on plans for placement and outcomes, and hoping for some relief and rest for you. What is asked of and given by people is really beyond possibility. Take good care.

My husband has FTD and other psychiatric issues that has come with it such as compulsive behaviours. He is right in my face every waking minute asking for something. His decline has happened because he witnessed a very huge and violent outburst by my DIL (soon to be ex) he wants to leave. He thinks he is 100% OK. Wants to go enjoy his retirement but doesn’t realise that to go anywhere is nearly impossible with him. If his family complain I will very seriously tell them to go and get him and take him back with them.
commonwealth Carers will find placement until he can be placed in the home he has been going to for respite

You have made the right decision. Perhaps Dad actually raised you right? Because I see on the forum so many using the word "guilt". Often they are those raised by a mean or a personality disordered parent who created in them a needy, wanting, desperate child looking to be perfect enough to earn the "I love you" they seek for their entire lives. You are not that. And that is SO GOOD. A good parent raises a child to be independent and to live his or her own life with good values and good decisions. Because that is what life will demand of us.
This won't be easy. You will have moments of great pain and great grief in which you will look for some ONE or some THING to blame. That's called normal. There is no upside quite honestly to the losses of age, and those who write platitudes about it just tired me out. But this is the right decision.
Now. About the going to restaurants. Once Dad is settled in, give a restaurant warning, and be ready to leave if you must, but other than that, take Dad out to eat. I can't imagine a life without the HOPE of a trip to Billy Reed's in Palm Springs for Fish and Chips and a glass of white wine.

Take a deep breath and exhale. You’ve made the right decision.

If the CG is worn out, it’s an especially lose-lose situation for the CG and patient. He’ll have more support there physically and you don’t need to live every day like you are walking on eggshells and waiting for the next shoe to drop when you are already exhausted.

You’ve given your best shot and then some and it’s perfectly ok for you to feel or not feel any way that you want.

Such a difficult decision, however, be assured that it is the right one for him. I wish you the very best! Take Care!

Panda, great!
Placement is the hardest decision to make for all of us. Some never get there for a variety of reasons, even though they know this cannot work at home any longer.

When I decided I was done, let twisteds know. Their reply was but we wanted to wait until October, five more months. It wasn't even my mom that caused the decision, it was the twisteds. Their continued accusations, their complete lack of caring, complete lack of offering any sort of emotional support or hands on assistance.

Nope, I was done. They then found out how sick mom was. They preferred their denial.

So, panda, a permanent place will be found soon. Great that you have the option for respite until that can be completed. Here the only option for so many that just CANNOT any more is to refuse to take the patient home from the hospital. Many have had to resort to that.

Take care of you, relax as much as you can during this time.

Joy, hubby is in rehab now. You know he will not improve enough for you to continue care. But, you say you cannot provide the care much longer. Make your decision now. Do not take him home from rehab. Let the social worker help you with finding a permanent placement and solution. If you take him home the cycle will start all over again. You are half way there now. Do not turn back.

Good move. Not much to add to that!

I hope the extra support kicks in quickly and is helpful. What will CC offer?

PandabearAUS, I know you aren’t seeking sympathy, but I just want to tell you that you will be in my thoughts. I will be facing this decision as well at some point. Hubby is bedridden and even though he is in rehab right now, I know that he will not make enough progress to allow me to care for him much longer. I admire you so much for making this decision. I understand how difficult this was and that you tried for so long. My heart hurts for you...and me, but I know this is a relief for you. Sending many hugs.