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Not sure what is available in Ireland, but if you died, your mom would most likely have societal support, wouldn't she. You may need to take yourself out of the equation for the support to appear.
If your marriage doesn't survive this, do not blame your mother.-Look in the mirror. Giving in to blackmailers seldom ends well.
Short of a jail, no power could have kept me away from my own home and my husband for 18 months. That is just totally unacceptable. I am sorry that you have a selfish mother. Too bad you are going to the unhealthy opposite extreme.
But. You have come to realize that something else needs to be done. Good for you! But you can't just leave your mother to be on her own. What to do? One way to approach this is to think about what would happen if you were run over by an ale lorry next week, and were in hospital in traction for six months? What would happen to your mother then? How much of that could be brought to pass now?
Of course Mum likes YOU to take care of her. But that is not the only option. I don't know what is available in the UK, but I'll bet your and your brothers could figure that out in short order if you are serious about ending the blackmail.
Or you can call around and ask for advice/recommendations. If you're able to get all your ducks in a row - places, costs, etc... - you will be better prepared with regards to your mom, brothers. Is your mom able to care for herself and just have someone from the caregiver's association or nursing to drop by and check on her?
I also think that once in a while to mention to your mom that you will be going back home soon. Don't give a date because that would restrict you. If you don't leave when you said you would, your mom would think you're bluffing and won't take you seriously.
Your mother probably is more comfortable with you than anyone else, but it does not give her the right to do what she is doing to you. I don't understand why parents do this to their children. It is like asking them to donate their lives so you won't have to face inconvenience. I have the feeling your mother would do well in a senior community if the sons will not share the responsibility. You are important and need to be able to live your own life. Your mother may live many more years and I wonder what would be left of your own life by then.
Sometimes it is not all about them. The caregivers are equally important.
Eighteen months ago I left my home and husband in Ireland to come to the UK to care for my Mother. My Dad has had to go in to a residential home with severe dementia, for many years he was my Mums carer but his health and mental state had declined to a point where he couldn't go on. I came over to help out and have found myself trapped here ever since. My Mum won't hear of any kind of help other than mine. I have not been home once in this time as she loses it if it's even mentioned, accusing me of leaving her to starve and piling on the emotional blackmail. I am exhausted and fearful for my marriage and my long term health.
I don't know where to turn as my brothers think everything is fine and I should want to be here. I don't I want to be at home with my husband having my own life. I feel horrendously guilty and selfish for admitting that. I fear I'm heading for some kind of breakdown.