Feeling so guilty...
My dad has no short term memory and moderate dementia and had started having pain that was causing him to yell out. Medicine was having limited effect, so since we were exhausted from being up at night with him, Hospice recommended that we send him for respite care and to try and get a handle on the pain. I could tell that he was declining because he was sleeping more. Well, they called and told me that he now has coronavirus! This man who has survived a dozen falls with no serious effects now has no chance. Now I feel that I should have never trusted them to keep him safe and that it was a mistake to send him, especially since he and another family member were against it. We cannot get many answers and they are not even answering phone at hospice. We only know that he is now 'unresponsive' and 'declining.' I know that some nursing homes are being sued by families for not keeping the virus in check. Of course they have already said that we will not be able to even go in his room - I'm worried that he will wake at some point just long enough to wonder why no one is there before he passes.
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It's nigh unto impossible for care facilities to keep COVID under control. It just is what it is.
Are they keeping him out of pain? Can you bring him home with the painmeds that are keeping him comfortable?
My dentist's sweet wife had to be placed in a MC facility. He was heartbroken, but after caring for her at home, he wound up in the hospital with exhaustion.
About a week before they begin locking places down, he brought her home and employed 24/7 care, Hospice, so he could have her home. She passed fairly quickly, and he was so glad that he'd been able to get her home.
While COVID is awful, no doubt, it is NOT an automatic death sentence. I wish you luck as you make your plans, going forth.
My guess is that you are also thinking a lot about why this happened, and who or what was to blame. We have had a government inquiry here in OZ, after similar problems in aged care. We have a similar area to mainland USA, but far fewer states (as well as people), so a state government inquiry is more telling than it might be in the US. You might be interested to look at it too.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2020-12-10/how-health-care-workers-in-victoria-caught-covid/12961340
Hospice is not intended to treat any major health issue, just make the patient comfortable, so if you feel that perhaps dad could survive the virus(as many do), then perhaps have him transported to the hospital where he can be treated properly, before it's too late.
Please don't bear any guilt. You've done nothing wrong. You thought you were doing what was best for your dad, and that's all any of us can do. I will be praying for you and your dad.
Would your family be willing to try to care for him, with a different hospice company assisting? If you, start calling and finding a different one that's more flexible and willing to assist, and discuss arrangements to terminate care at the existing facility. Read the documentation you've signed first to cover all your bases legally.
This won't be easy, each of you will be exposed and have to take precautions, but at least you would be supporting your father in his apparent last days.
I hope you find a solution that eases your worries as well as your conscience. Good luck, and may you find peace in whatever decision you make.