I feel so guilty. I am so stressed being around Mom, I can't wait to leave, I don't want to spend more than 1/2 hour with her, and I hate myself for feeling this way. Mom is in her late 90's and is in independent living (physically she is pretty good, can get around, do the basic self care, but her dementia is worse every day and she desperately needs monitoring and assistance mentally but refuses to move). We have no choice but to take turns looking in on her and do everything for her, laundry, cleaning, shopping, finances, etc. Her memory is 1 minute long, she is almost deaf, even with hearing aids so we have to scream, she no longer carries on a conversation, only talks about a few things all of them negative, over and over and over, she's a cat on a hot tin roof, gets confused all the time and is stubborn as an ox and full of self pity. This has been going on for years, and it seems it will go on for years more. I hope God understands I can't help feeling stressed and tired of living in this frustrating boring re-run like an endless loop. I can't help it, I just can't stand to be around her for very long any more without wishing I was anywhere else. Am I a bad person?

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You're not a bad person and guilt in all it's forms is just a waste of time. When your mom had you as a baby, I doubt she thought this is how life would go. Remember the good times u had with her. All parents screw up so don't rehash the bad. But now you r dealing with 'dementia' and not the mom who looked forward to having u years ago. If you treat her with the care and kindness you would a neighbor with dementia then things will be easier. It's hard to have a mom yell at us but it's dementia talking not your mom. Any human being in your moms shoes needs immediate medical care. Send one letter to all her doctors, cc'ing each of them at the bottom of it, requesting immediate full time care for her. Stress that with her minute long memory it's unsafe for her to be alone. Doctors can order care for her and take you out of the equation. I have kids. If I can't care for myself someday I hope they research and find me a nice facility. Biggest thing is not to take her words personally. She doesn't mean them. Wishing you peace....

Many of us know how you feel. Sometimes there is so much negative talk, it can be exhausting to hear. When I feel like I want to run away, I stop and tell myself that she needs to talk. My mother only has me for company, so I feel better spending a little time with her each day. The temporary discomfort I feel listening to the repeat stories and complaints is offset by knowing that I shared time with her. This makes me feel better in the end, so is worth it.

The only time I can't spend some time with her is when she wants to argue. I get away fast then, because staying wouldn't make either one of us feel better.

So much of living through this is learning how to feel about things. If we tell ourselves that something unpleasant will make both them and us feel better, then it becomes more pleasant. My mother used to drive me batty, but it is getting better now. This is mostly because I've been trying hard to change my way of looking at things. Hope this helps some.

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