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Hi there again....just needed to pass by.
Today i had a pain. It was my left eye ball. I dk if any of yall have ever felt the same. Could be allergies. Anyway bc of the pain it made my head hurt which brought on some upset stomach. So i couldnt keep food in stomach. I care for my 59 yr old mother who needs eye drops twice a day and insulin shots which i administer to her daily. I also take her to work twice a week and run her around so she can do her errands or get out of the house. Anyway....i texted her to let her know i wasnt well. Well do yall think she said , no dont come over ...stay home and rest....of course not. So i went over to do my daily tasks. She then proceeds to tell me not to worry about going early tomorrow bc she was gonna walk to clinic. So i have previously taken in seriously some advice i have gotten from this site. Which was to fight for my own life and if i nee d to distance myself feom her negativity to do so. So, witb that said i had a moment after mom said she would walk to clinc...i thought ok no maybe i should offer to take her bc i.mean how she gonna walk there...she needs blood draw ln for a coming up doc visit. Then i thought about my friends advice on here and i just kind of ignored her and sai ok then i will see u tomorrow, bye. She didnt like it she didnt get up to say bye or open door as she may usually do. I hate her negative attitude which i have thought i wonder if she has eraly stages of dementia. Then later as i get to my house i talk to my sis who lives in another city, going to school. She tells me that sometimes bc she not here it hard for her to not side with my mom. Like she made me think i guess she thinks it is easy to put up with mom everyday and i am in the wrong. Im like if she thinks that then y dont she take her with her. I dk guys but i plan on starting school in aug and to hell with everythinh with my mom....im tired of being obligated to see her everyday. It isnt a joyful moment when i do see her. I am make a better future for myself, my husband☺ nd my 7yr old son. I don't think I owe her my youth and life. Especially if I am the only one doing anything and she expects it of me bc I am the sober one, the one who lives close to her, and the one who will still talk to her. Unlike my older sis who totally has not shown herself for about 15 yrs now. I wonder why hahah...well now i know

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Thank you...i did speak to my mom today. I told her i was not going to do it anymore. That i didnt think it was fair that at my age, 30, i had to do everything and to top it off that she didnt want to reach out to other avaliable resources. She expected me to do it. I told her i get frustrated and tired. Well if coursw she right away out of anger was like that ok you dont have to come over anymore....u dont have to take me to work...ill just wont go anymore. I responded by ok that is all good bc you dont thi k about me, you are not considerate to my feelings. I am out of here. Walked out and have not responded to her at all today.
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Dora you do what you can for as long as we can, and when it physically, and or emotionally starts to take a toll on your health its time for a break or to step out of the caregivers role. In the beginning I don't think any of us think things will get to a point when our lives or health will be affected to this point, but if and when it does I hope everyone will have a plan for the next phase already. Sometimes the loved one or friend is resistance to you taking a break or leaving so you can get healthy or just get back your energy but we have to remember what will happen to them if god forbid something more serious happens to us if you don't take care of yourself first.

We are there now also, and it is very hard
to explain to my mil our health is important to since she sees us as young, able beings. My husband has medical conditions, bp, borderline sugar and thyroid disease, and like most men he puts off seeing the dr until he has to. Caregiving for him has brought on so much stress, and dealing with his 88 y.o. narcisissict mother that demands to have her way or your life will be miserable only adds to his problems.
I have fibromyalgia and other back issues with chronic pain and migranes. Even though you do not see it physically its
there and takes me down quickly if I don't listen to my body and take care of myself. Stress also affects my body and the constant worry for my hubbys health and with keeping mom the healthiest we can has been very overwhelming.
We are moving to plan b and stepping back and taking ourselves out of the daily caregivers role. Working with the division on aging help we are finding new avenues to help support my mil to lessen our load.
Mom is very resistant to the change and is trying her hardest to keep us under her thumb. She knows AL is a option but is unwilling to talk about it, and she knows her only options is to take help from other sources available now and that her decision to stay in her apt works out for awhile until they say she is unable to safely.

I wish you the best and I hope your decision you make works out for you.
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At 59 shes still physically capable of giving herself both her shots and eye drops. Im a diabetic, I average 4 to 6 shots a day!
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BTW, be sure to make an opthamologist appointment if you continue to have the eye pain. It could be something serious, e.g. glaucoma, that may be easily treated if caught early. I hope that it was nothing but one of those temporary things.
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Dora, what you wrote sounds good. I don't know what is wrong with your mother, but 59 is young to be depending heavily on your children. Is she unable to drive? She sounds like a perfect candidate for assisted living if she is interested. She might enjoy all the company and activities available to her. And, of course, the transportation. It would let you get back to your life without feeling guilty -- something that is important, since you have a child who is at an age where he needs his mom.
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