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Love my mom..she now has heart and mobility issues...so I'm not going anywhere.and I'm glad i can help her-...i really do...Most time its ok...cause Im busy working or sleeping or driving her around and do million errands..But its hard on me as a 40 plus grown woman..(divorce no kids who loves to travel) I will always be her daughter -her child.. and it is her house (same house I grew up in) but I don't feel like an adult here.. I could never bring a guy home, can't just have people over here for drinks, or get together etc.. (actually have few friends cause no time to cultivate relationship) any free time spent locked up in my room like a teenager.. and Today its really effecting me.. my friends have their lives, families , boyfriends, going out -doing things, having get to togethers... and here i sit ..She gets anxious if i go out and come home late... have to check in if i go out.... its getting on my nerves and i feel stifled and depressed.. OK , anyone else deal with this ?

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I was in this situation too and I resolved it by moving out of my mother's house. But, I have also learned to set boundaries so that when I am with her, she doesn't drive me crazy. I have learned to remind my mother that I'm a grown up and that my decisions are mine to make. I have even looked at and said sternly on occasion "You know, I don't need to be here."

I was lucky in that I was able to move out while remaining close by and relieve a lot of the stress that way. But even if you don't have that option, I think it's critical to learn how to assert yourself with your parents and step out of the "child" role as much as you can. They're used to being in charge, and we're used to letting them be in charge. But it's a new ball game when you're giving up your goals and plans and preferences to take care of a parent. It's not easy - I started therapy right after my caregiving role started and that helped me realize where I needed to set boundaries and how to do it. Good luck to everyone attempting to do the same!
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your too funny captain.....love reading your posts...Thanks freqflyer and Jessebelle...do you have any suggestions to handle this? or should i plan on being a teen forever but growing in old persons body...lol
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reckon the old fossil couldnt see my inner beauty . " deep inside i have , like , guts and black stuff .
( nelson muntz ) .
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i used to have occasional female visitors when i stayed at moms house . one incident in particular still makes me laugh . my mom was only weeks from death and quite demented . i was working on some skanks car and she decided to go inside and amuse my mom and sister for a while . this gal jabbered like krusty the clown on meth . after about a 40 minute deluge of jabber , i came in and told the idiot that id reached a point on her brakes that i could use some help .
sis told me later that after i persuaded the gal back outside , mom gave sis the old " mom / wry / skeptic " look and asked her " wheres the off switch on THAT thing ? ..
dont get me wrong . every visitor i had wasnt a skank -- but -- actually -- yes they were . every damm one of them ..
one of them was a rather rough looking old specimen . after our visit and bike ride i told sis " HAR , that clown rejected me from the word hello " . sis said " HAR , wonder if shes looked in the mirror lately ? " .
a good sense of sarcasm runs in our family ..
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It's interesting how we enable our parent(s) so that they can keep up with their own lifestyle while we need to change our own.

Too bad there isn't a manual that we all get once our parent start to need help, so that our parent will feel comfortable in their surroundings while in the mean time we can live our own lives... yet feel like we are helping.

I ran into the family dynamic of once again being the child, and my parents once again being the adult. Our parents just don't see us as grown adults capable of making right decisions.... we will always be the "kid" and what do we know :P

As Jessie said above, I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wouldn't have enabled my parents for the past 7 years. Instead of me always being Option A, my parents would have needed to figure out Option B and C. That would have helped to relieve so much of the stress, which can bring on health related issues. I know I will never live to be my parents age [in their 90's]. I feel I am lucky to see next year.
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suzen, there are a few of us here who know exactly how you feel. I'm 64 and feel the same way. I stay with my mother in her house. She keeps total control. I wouldn't invite anyone over, because she stays in her pajamas all day long and looks a wreck. Besides, I don't really know anyone in this city. I haven't been able to cultivate a life here. I am living her life and not my own. She tells me I should get involved in her church. I tell her that it is her church and it isn't my life. I've been here 6.5 years now. If I could go back I would do things differently. We really don't owe giving up our lives for our parents. Those of us who don't have husbands and children can really end up alone.
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