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My Mom likes to come in the kitchen when I am really busy and lift the pot lids. My Mom will tell me what to do and how to cook I am a chef by trade so it really irks me. Then I feel guilty right after, I tell her she is in my way the guilty is just killing me. So I said sorry to her and told her how much I love her, Well today she was in my way or so I thought so? and I led her out of the kitchen holding her arm and hand then I was like questioning my self did I get rough with her so I ask her. Mom was I rough with you she said no and then I ask her show me what I did she show me how I led her out of the kitchen, I then said I am sorry Mom and I love you she said you were not rough you just hurt my feelings. Anyways I suffer from OCD and I love my Mom and I told her she can come in the kitchen anytime it's just sometimes I am really busy and I have a micro management type of personality. So the guilty is killing me any advice.

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Thank you Litldogtoo!
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I kick my mom out of the kitchen all the time. She's got this thing where she somehow sneaks up behind me while I'm doing something and it scares me half to death. I'm not half as nice as you were.

If you have a kitchen table, can she sit near you and watch you cook? What about having a time set aside once a week where both you and she can 'cook' together? (I can't even imagine this, but hey, you might be able to pull it off:) I absolutely would not have the patience. So, as far as I'm concerned, you're a good person. I'm sorry your mom's feelings were 'hurt'. However, better her feelings hurt that perhaps getting splashed by something hot.
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Hahaha lmao Thanks pamzimmrrt you made me laugh!
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I am the one who always gets holiday duty. I have a big kitchen, but people still get underfoot. So last year I showed everyone the imaginary line.. Unless you have a chore behind the line,, find something else to do! Set the table, fill the water glasses.. My MIL is a 'picker".. she has to pick at the turkey/ham while hubs is cutting it with the electic knife. we keep waiting to find a finger on the meat plate
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I just had an ah ha moment.... now I realize why I am so tried and feel like something the cat dragged in....

I had forgotten about my OCD and just let things ride as they may, was too tired to care less lately, and right at this moment am thinking it's probably my OCD wanting back out. My OCD kept me focused, kept me sharp, yada, yada, yada. But dealing with two extra adults [my parents who live on their own] I felt I had lost control.

Boy, I am glad I read this posting :)

As for the kitchen, anyone can kick me out at anytime... the only thing I know about cooking is where the silver ware drawer is located :P
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My ADW wants to be in the kitchen and has no idea what is what and picks up things, puts them down anywhere, mixes clean and dirty dishes in the washer etc,.

Maybe the solution is finding a ball and chain, Demands to be in the kitchen keep escalating. I am constantly gently turning her around and guiding her out of the kitchen...
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Two adult women cannot get along in one kitchen, no matter their ages or health. So, you are very normal.
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Exactly what cap said!

We tend to get burnt out... take that break, rejuvenate yourself and ... repeat, repeat repeat.
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my mom used to hang out in the kitchen while i prepared food and just drive me nuts with the excessive " togetherness " . shes been gone a year now and i realize she was just lonely and afraid . id get slightly bent ( exasperated ) too . mom was very wise and no doubt understood that my life was derailed and i was human with my own quirks and fears . she forgave me for my shortcomings so im in the process of forgiving myself . elder care isnt easy and it can crack the most stable person after a while .
i just awoke from a nap and my brain had been processing how over the last few years my oldest sister would try to demonize or sabatogue mom and i out of jealousy and her own financial desperation . ive even come to forgive her . shes a rather weak and inefectual person with a brain dead husband and her life has been a hard one trying to raise a family without the tools she needed .
as horrifying as elder end of life care is , it has taught me a lot about being patient , feeling empathy with others , managing my own fears and frustrations , owning my own screw ups and much more .
just be patient with your elder as best you can . they are near helpless , afraid and vulnerable .
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Thanks JeanetteB!!
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I didn't read all of your older posts but I think I get it.

Having OCD and dealing with a LO who seems to nag all the time would drive anyone to tears. Then steps in the guilt. Not just for arguing, but having OCD, not being able to ( at times) refrain from snapping. You like it just how YOU like it. I am so sure your own mother knows this... you should be a bit gentler on yourself and leave some of the guilt out of it. Give mom a tiny break (whilst letting it go in one ear and out the other) give yourself a bigger break by taking that weekend away. You are doing a great job...
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Thank you JeanetteB and blannie for answering me so quickly really appreciate your advice I will give a little job for my Mom to do tomorrow and I think I will go away next weekend and if they don't want to receive respite care there is nothing I can do. Please read my older posts so you know whats going on if you have time any input would be great and really appreciative.
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We've all been overwhelmed and said things we regretted or been short with our loved one. Welcome to being human!

If your mom knows you're OCD, just remind her of that long-standing personality trait and either try to keep her occupied outside of the kitchen or like JeanetteB says, find some small task for her to keep her busy while you're cooking. Maybe she could set the table or something like that?
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I really think you handled it very well. That's not being rough, even your mother agreed. Maybe you can give her a small task to do in the kitchen while you prepare your masterpieces? Or better yet, clean up duty?
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