My Mom likes to come in the kitchen when I am really busy and lift the pot lids. My Mom will tell me what to do and how to cook I am a chef by trade so it really irks me. Then I feel guilty right after, I tell her she is in my way the guilty is just killing me. So I said sorry to her and told her how much I love her, Well today she was in my way or so I thought so? and I led her out of the kitchen holding her arm and hand then I was like questioning my self did I get rough with her so I ask her. Mom was I rough with you she said no and then I ask her show me what I did she show me how I led her out of the kitchen, I then said I am sorry Mom and I love you she said you were not rough you just hurt my feelings. Anyways I suffer from OCD and I love my Mom and I told her she can come in the kitchen anytime it's just sometimes I am really busy and I have a micro management type of personality. So the guilty is killing me any advice.
If you have a kitchen table, can she sit near you and watch you cook? What about having a time set aside once a week where both you and she can 'cook' together? (I can't even imagine this, but hey, you might be able to pull it off:) I absolutely would not have the patience. So, as far as I'm concerned, you're a good person. I'm sorry your mom's feelings were 'hurt'. However, better her feelings hurt that perhaps getting splashed by something hot.
I had forgotten about my OCD and just let things ride as they may, was too tired to care less lately, and right at this moment am thinking it's probably my OCD wanting back out. My OCD kept me focused, kept me sharp, yada, yada, yada. But dealing with two extra adults [my parents who live on their own] I felt I had lost control.
Boy, I am glad I read this posting :)
As for the kitchen, anyone can kick me out at anytime... the only thing I know about cooking is where the silver ware drawer is located :P
Maybe the solution is finding a ball and chain, Demands to be in the kitchen keep escalating. I am constantly gently turning her around and guiding her out of the kitchen...
We tend to get burnt out... take that break, rejuvenate yourself and ... repeat, repeat repeat.
i just awoke from a nap and my brain had been processing how over the last few years my oldest sister would try to demonize or sabatogue mom and i out of jealousy and her own financial desperation . ive even come to forgive her . shes a rather weak and inefectual person with a brain dead husband and her life has been a hard one trying to raise a family without the tools she needed .
as horrifying as elder end of life care is , it has taught me a lot about being patient , feeling empathy with others , managing my own fears and frustrations , owning my own screw ups and much more .
just be patient with your elder as best you can . they are near helpless , afraid and vulnerable .
Having OCD and dealing with a LO who seems to nag all the time would drive anyone to tears. Then steps in the guilt. Not just for arguing, but having OCD, not being able to ( at times) refrain from snapping. You like it just how YOU like it. I am so sure your own mother knows this... you should be a bit gentler on yourself and leave some of the guilt out of it. Give mom a tiny break (whilst letting it go in one ear and out the other) give yourself a bigger break by taking that weekend away. You are doing a great job...
If your mom knows you're OCD, just remind her of that long-standing personality trait and either try to keep her occupied outside of the kitchen or like JeanetteB says, find some small task for her to keep her busy while you're cooking. Maybe she could set the table or something like that?