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As mentioned in my prior posts my sister was leaving the hospital to go to rehab. The insurance finally approved it and she went to Bushwick Center my first choice (and the hospital PT's recommendations) She arrived Friday evening and during the weekends I would visit her after work (once I did my OT). She still isn't eating a lot but at least she's eating lunch and dinner (at home, I could only get her to eat breakfast)


Unfortunately, she has a 'neighbor' that resent her being in her 'house' and complained loudly about it. (My sister seem to be taking better than I and the family friends who visits) Therefore, Monday I went to see the SW to see about getting her moved. She said as soon as a bed is available she'll be moved.


Since I was there I went to visit my sister but her bed was empty so I assumed she was at PT (they did bed PT during the weekend, but this was a weekday, full staff and I assumed they was 'getting serious' now) I'd found out that her clothing had to be turned over to the front desk to be labeled (I'd just got them from the bag and dumped them in the drawer) As I was taking them to the desk the nurse returned with my sister in the wheelchair. She was a bit out of it and grumpy. She was going to the sunroom but since I was there, she was taken to her room.


It wasn't a fun visit. She didn't remember what was done at PT and seemed annoyed at my talking to her. She did have to go to the bathroom and the nurse took her to the bathroom (she prefer that since she hated to 'pee on herself') She wanted me to straighten her up on the toilet but I couldn't and said she had to wait for the nurse. (She may only be 88 pounds but that still too much for me to move by myself)


After the nurse put her back in the wheelchair (and put on depends) she wanted to straighten out her legs. Again something I couldn't do it (88 pounds is still 88 pounds) She was going to have lunch in an hour so the nurse wasn't going to put her on the bed to put her back in the wheelchair for lunch. (Something she tried to tell my sister but she wasn't listening)


I decided to cut the visit short I told her I'll see her the following weekend. I tried to give her the usual forehead goodbye kiss but she push me away (I know it's the dementia but it still hurt a bit)


Now here the guilt part; the center is on the route of the train I take to go home from work. However, I leave work at 6pm, so I arrived at 7pm. 2 hours stay means I leave about 9pm. The area is no fun to walk at night and I have to find the bus and use it to connect with the train (I can walk down the station stairs at the Center stop, too hard to walk up, the train station at the bus stop has an escalator) to get off at my home station. Then do the 20 mins walk to the apartment. Which means I usually don’t get home until 9:30pm or10pm.


Moreover, I have to get the apartment walker friendly. That means a lot of cleaning and getting rid of junk (She’s not a hoarder just, like me, don’t have time to throw things away) so I decided to only visit her on weekends (My tour is Tue-Fri. I use Mondays to go to places that is open on weekdays)


I’m sure if she was of her right mind she wouldn’t want me to get home that late. (When she was at the hospital, she sometimes kicked me out before the 9pm closing time, not wanting me to go home so late. Despite the fact that the hospital was walking distance, about a block and a half)


The family friends usually visit during the week (I did give them the warning about the bad mood Monday in case they visit that day) If there was something serious (her crying for me, laying in the bed staring into space, etc.) I’m sure they would call me to see her. Since I hadn’t any calls…


I’m typing this on Saturday and will stop at the Center after I put in 4 hours of overtime, so I will arrive and leave in daylight. I hope she will be in a better mood than she was Monday. (crossed fingers)

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It could be that you are missing your sister, and that is one reason why you feel you should visit often. Don't feel bad. She is where she needs to be, the people there are more able to care for her than you are, and she needs time to adjust. She probably feels lonely too, and both of you will take time to get used to things. Be kind to yourself, and try to start enjoying the changes in your own life. You will have better visits if you are feeling happy yourself. Best wishes, Margaret
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