My husband an I live next door to my parents. Dad 92 on the 4th of july this yr. And mom 84. Dad had a stroke 1.5 yrs ago. He was very active up till it happened. He lost some vision and some memory. And was crazy angry and saying horrible mean things to mom and i. Accusing mom of do crazy things. Until i finally found a dr. To perscribe him the correct meds. Now he is very pleasant most of the time. But doesnt do anything anymore. Makes me very very sad. Then there is my mom, she is very demanding and rude, she has osteoarthritis and is very overweight and lazy. Her muscles are atrophying badly. She falls alot and can not get up on her own. I cant get her up on my own. My brother is a quadriplegic and my sister died of cancer in 1999. So i am it. They have no one else and niether do i. My mother likes to say things like like well thats why we had you. Or its your duty. Never do either one say thank you. I try to set boundries, but as soon as i do mom crosses them imedieatly, and then acts like she just didnt know. She has had mri, and memory tests done and they did not find anything wrong. But she thinks that i should just take care of everything and be happy about it. They both have handicap scooters, and i drive them to all dr apt. And groc. Shopping. Dad tries to help he can load and un load his. Although he runs into stuff sometimes. But mom sits in the car till i drag hers out and get it set up for her then its a 15min. ordeal getting her out of the car, then she acts like she is the queen going through the store, telling me and dad what to get cause she cant/wont get up and get it. Then the same thing going home i load and unload everything. Scooters dads oxygen tank, groc. Mom gets on hers and goes into the house and groans about how tired she is. I get so angry at her. I do pretty good most of the time but then when ive had enough, and my back is killing me from lifting her, her scooter and there groc, and there 5 gallon water jugs, and she says shes worn out from sitting all day, and tells me to get her something else like the mail, i flip out and say horrible things to her. Then later i feel bad. Ive gone back and apologized, but then she just gets worse. Im all they have i dont want to abandon them, they have very little money, and none of us can afford assisted living, but this could go on for years. I dont know what to do.
I've tried to find a group to join to vent and have companionship. I have zero friends, i had to quit my job, we bought a nursery(plants) right before dads stroke. But are unable to get it up and running now. We will sell it. Which should help. We've had to help them so much. We just completly redid there livingroom. Because it was so small they couldnt get there walkers around my husband and i had to tear out walls and paint and put in new floors. Just us no help. And he works 50 to 60 hrs a week. I had a friend but anytime she would call or come over my mom would see and would call needing something, so she finally quit coming around. I dont blame her. I allways had to put her off. There is so much more. I dont talk to anyone about it because i figure everyone has their own problems and really dont care about mine. People tell me all the time how lucky i am to still have both of my parents. Well most of the time i dont feel very lucky. And i know one day they will be gone, and then i will miss them, and feel guilty and bad about being so angry with them. Ugh! This is all so rediculously complicated. Mom is also has incontinence. And i am not someone that can clean that kind of stuff up. Omgosh she has a #2 accident and i cant even go in the house because of the smell. I miss my sister. Thats a whole other story. Anyway. I have never been on one of these sites. Hope im doing this right. And i dont sound to selfish. But really need other people that are going through some of the same. Im tired of crying alone. Any advice would be grateful.