My father has dementia - still at home with carers 4 x a day. The dementia is not advanced and at times I feel he puts on the confusion when I visit as the carers note they have had lovely chats and laughs. He lives in the lounge - hospital bed and commode - the carpet is heaving stained as he is incontinent. I feel I may as well be sat in the bathroom when I visit.I do not have a partner and find the visits draining and depressing.My sister (who I have a poor relationship with) visits with her partner which is a totally different experience as there is more conversation and emotional support. I have suggested we visit together but she does not want to do this.I feel isolated and so lonely Dad's brother recently passed away who I was very close to. My sisters partner went to the funeral to support my sister but had never met my uncle - I did not go to the funeral out of principal as I felt it should have been me and my sister supporting each other but she would not even do this - I would have been sat on my own and just could not face it.
Who oversees Dad's home/finances/medical? It's up to them to keep the house sanitary. And the carers - is cleaning a part of their duties? If not, they shouldn't be so passive about the unsanitary conditions but should do *something* - report it so something can be done about it - hire a cleaning service or a contractor to refloor the room as someone else suggested. Just do... *something* to prevent unnecessary sickness caused by that germy floor.
I hope you took time for a private memorial for your uncle. You shouldn't have to grieve alone, so find a support group for caregivers and one for bereavement. Build your circle of support so that you can give and receive encouragement and laughter, feel heard, and feel loved. Reach out for it.
Best wishes to you.
It may help if you, or whomever is in charge, can convince dad to remove carpeting which is holding in odors and ruining floors. Putting down waterproof flooring covering can help with cleanups if your father is staying in place in his home, and a discussion with caregivers about incontinent wear might help.
As to a support system, some of us are more social by nature (I am not) and those of us who are often have a better support system in tough times. The same holds true of any faith based community where there is a long of personal interaction and caring. You will need to consider way in which you can form such a system, and a few sessions with a good cognitive counselor on ways to attempt this might be a good idea. There could be some depression involved for you, and sometimes a try at low dose anti-depressants can form a bridge over tough times that help you in reaching out.
I wish you the best. Stay on AC and read and you will understand you aren't alone in suffering.
I only bring out one thing at a time. When she loses interest in that, I bring out something else. The one good thing about dementia is that you can recycle and not have to bring all new things every visit.
My bag of tricks include photographs, music, treats, funny internet videos, magazines, interesting objects, etc. When showing things, say "What do you think of this?" rather than "Do you remember this?"
Think about what used to interest your father and tailor your bag of tricks to that.
Play music that was popular at the time your father was a teen/young man. Sometimes that will spur conversation, or you can just sit quietly and let him listen.
Ebay is a great place to buy old magazines cheaply. Did he have any hobbies? Look for magazines about those.
I bought my mom a bird feeder, and that has given her a lot of entertainment. I spend part of each visit refilling the seed or fiddling with it in some way, and that always spurs conversation with her telling me about the birds and squirrels who visit it.