It's like I'm setting all the rules. I miss talking about movies, TV, plays, etc. she can't I irritate anything. I spend my life making plans for her. Frankly, I'd like to meet a woman in the same situation to relate to. Everyone I meet at support groups is caring for an elderly parent or a much older spouse. They have a whole different set up problems.
I highly recommend the book "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by the therapist who has deep insight into the concept of ambiguous loss, Pauline Boss.
I retired from teaching 3 years ago to take care of him full time. My world keeps getting smaller the same as his does. I take him to Mass on Sunday because he loves it. I can relax and let him do the thing he has always down. Then he goes with me to the Methodist church service because I can't leave him alone. It is always the most relaxing day for me. I guess because I get out of the house and so does he. How about you?
You can still hop around and comment on the different threads. But when you just want to comment for the sake of updating your AC family, then you can go to your home thread and update everyone. Who knows, it might become like the GROSS thread, the DYSFUNCTION thread and the Caregiver How are YOU thread.
Wouldn't it be neat to have 4 major categories to go: Grossness of caregiving, Dysfunctional Family, General Caregivers and Spousal Caregiver.
I think it would be great if this thread for spouses grows and grows with each comments/vents/tips from each of you.
and Thomas boy have you got your hands full, but what a great guy for taking her back and looking after her. Is there any family members that can help?
Crossing my fingers, not everyone gets mean! If he feels safe, for example....
The next time she is hospitalized, do NOT take her home. Explain that she needs more care than you can provide. That is your best chance to get her into a setting where she can be well taken care of.
Is she in condition to sign a POA agreement, or medical proxy? My husband and I just signed "privacy" agreements so that our doctors can share info with the other spouse.
I posted a comment there.
My husband is a good guy, but can be snappy and mean for a number of reasons. I know he will be mean to me. I don't like it, but I'm used to it, and he balances it out by being sweet and lovable when he isn't stressed. I am afraid that I will be mean to him. I want to think of myself as a wonderful person who would never be less than compassionate. HA! I'm a little mean to him most every day, despite my best efforts.
The more I can accept that he is exactly who he is, the less I need or want to be mean to him. It's hard work.
everyone that is a spouse that has posted, if you go back through the list, click on each screen name, there is a blue word. Follow. click on that, then anytime one of us posts on this thread we will all get an email so we can try to help or just give support. Otherwise you will get lost in a maze of postings, that happened to me when I joined, I wanted to hear how the posters were doing, but I did not know how, but helpers on this site guided me, like if You just wanted to see how the original poster Papillon was doing just click. give a hug and they will get your message directly.