Been caring for narcissistic father for over decade. He is very loving and helpful to others but mainly relates to me like his personal assistant, therapist and well, servant. He has let others believe he is very wealthy so he gets VIP treatment. And although I do more for him than any other adult child that I've seen at the facility, he apparently gossips about me as a deadbeat mentally ill daughter (the mentally ill part comes in when I'm physically ill or I object to the rude intrusive behavior of grifters/staff or other enablers.
I've given up vacations, all holidays and many weeks to help him through operations, rehab, falls, etc. As well as a number of complete moves. And I'm left now with my health and finances in shambles due to travel/medical costs and this ugly swirl of gossip as there appear to be a number who'd like me out of picture to gain access to his funds (he's had several grifters come close to gaining complete access to his funds)
He has continually surrounded himself with these grifter types, people who flatter him and take him out on adventures and who in turn treat me like crap. I'm so tired of this and really heartsick as well. I fell for the carrot he dangled that we could have a real relationship one day. Once he was settled in a good care facility things really took a turn for the worse.
He's very angry it seems that I did not want to commit my own funds to help pay for multiple care givers (he has almost zero mobility). Which would have been a small fortune. I've been guilt tripped for years that no expense should be spared for his care. That I should commit to top of the line care that no one else at facility uses, even the very wealthy. The hook is that he has only a few more months to live But I've been hearing this for years now.
My health is shot after all these years of crisis and dealing with his endless needs. I thought when he was finally settled, things would get better but as I've said they are worse than ever. I have to deal with palpable hostility and respond to very ugly intrusive comments and behavior by staff, enablers and the little group of grifters he has assembled (he's gone through several groups) .
The rest of my family is furious with his demands and are now refusing to visit him as he barely speaks to them except to ask them to perform a task, while they have to watch others lavished with his love and devotion. Their lack of visitation just feeds into his poor me victim stance.
When is it enough? I know if I walk away the grifters will close in and I'll also deal with a bunch of intense guilt tripping. But I've hit a wall with his lack of gratitude and continual gossip/slander about me. And the worst part is the intense pain at realizing I've just been used, the lure of having a relationship with him was just bait.
Any suggestions, tough love, shared experiences? Very sorry for the length, but . I'm just fried and needed to get this out. Thought I could do lower contact, but now not so sure. Thanks to anyone who's reading any of this.