I know we are here for specific questions/advice and support for caring for our loved ones. But with that, comes the point of ( sometimes) telling detailed information about them and even at times.. our family issues as I have.
I know this may sound strange but thinking of how my grandfather would handle things, he would never go on a forum, and would only tell a Dr information. Even if he asked for advice he would barely give any details. I do not think Im explaining myself and what I mean correctly, so im sorry if I am not making sense.
Things are just so puzzled, and not just with my grandpa, but with all my family. So I was just curious.
Hope you all are having a great day so far..
Maybe feel bad venting about mum as she was a good mum but with "dementia" all bets are off! this is something we cant deal with on our own and i think we are venting about dementia not them as they were?
So do I feel guilty about airing dirty laundry here, whining a bit and discussing the needs of the caregiver and the loved one being cared for? No, not really. I don't go into specifics about finances, etc....I don't mention family or sibling names....and I don't post anything so specific that anyone could identify me. Everyone needs a place to talk, rant, rave, blow off steam, and so on - I don't see anything wrong with posting things here to get feedback and ideas, as well as support. We caregivers have far too little support in our lives!
Gone are the days of ladies chatting over the backyard fence. The internet is now our fence and we can talk to everyone all over the world.... what I find so interesting is that people in other countries have the same family dynamics :]
My Dad is in his 90's and still uses a computer, but I don't think he has ever written a *comment* on a website. He is way too private, same with my Mom.
This makes me think of a recent email exchange with my brother's family. I told them Mom wasn't doing well. My SIL wrote back with some advice and told me that suffering could be useful in purifying our souls (or something like that). I realized that she had probably not been up close and personal with long-term suffering yet, so her statement was a bit naive. If anything this type of suffering can un-purify the soul by the emotions that are stirred.
What? Are my siblings going to see what I wrote about them? LOL ..They would have to give a crap first and we all know that's not going to happen..
I was lost in my care giving role and my AC friends gave me the advice I needed.. And they continue till this day.. Xoxo
As another commenter said, we're anonymous here. We're unlikely to run into each other IRL, so what's the harm in describing how elderly mom has taken to cursing like a sailor and 90-year-old grandpa threw a bedpan at somebody's head? Nobody here has said their elderly relative was the shooter on the grassy knoll (JFK assasination reference) so what's the big deal about talking about the burdens of caregiving?
Thank you all.
im not hard to find. Come to martinsville, indiana and look for the most animated object in the town . ther'll be a small dust cloud overhead -- some kind of saw running ..
One day while waiting in a doctor’s waiting room for my client to return, I picked up a few magazines from the rack and came across the “Aging Care” brochure. I was elated to read that the focus was on the “caregiver,” that’s me, and how we nurture ourselves thereby enables us to better handle the unusual circumstances we often encounter.
This is a great website because it allows each and every one of us to share our issues and receive valuable information from those with years of loving caregiver experience. So far I’ve only shared about one male client, but I’ve always been very cautious not to write anything that might reveal his identity. Personally, I don’t mind if someone knows my real name. (Should I be concerned about that?)
Sometimes I’d like to list the many (and I mean many) serious health issues this man must endure. I feel compassion and kindness for him. Even though he is sometimes plain ‘ole nasty, curt, arrogant, and let’s not forget MAJOR CHEAP without justification for it, I still like him and usually enjoy his company. He lives modestly and has plenty of cash to afford some of life’s simpler yet rewarding treats for himself, yet he cannot. The problem is that he has so many weekly doctors’ appointments that there is not enough time in the day. Dialysis three times per week, by-weekly infusions, and other treatments are what take up so much of his time. I accompany him on all his doctor visits. I usually drive because he is often not well enough to do so. There are days when he does like to drive, and that scares me, but I am prepared to grab the wheel and reach the pedals should it become necessary (I can do that). Modern medicine is keeping him alive which sometimes makes me wonder, but then that’s a whole other topic for me to write about.
The concern I had when I first used the AgingCare.com website is that my client might learn that I have shared about him on an open forum. I worried a little that there was a possibility, however slight, that he could find out himself, or hear through his own grapevine. So far he has never barked at me asking, “Hey Steve… is that you that wrote that question on www.agingcare.com about someone that sounded a lot like me?”. I’m not so concerned anymore because he is increasingly becoming unable to navigate the web without some assistance. It is sad to say, and even worse to watch as his memory becomes less reliable due to his ongoing battle with dementia. He is gradually isolating himself in his room playing games on his iPhone, but how stimulating can that be? His body continues to fail him and his condition is progressively getting worse. He is a real trooper, though, and will fight the battle as long as he is alive.
There, I guess I’ve said plenty about my own situation, but let that be proof that sharing about it helps me to get it off my chest, and if asking a question, I get tremendous advice and useful information.
Guys, thank you for being there. Big HUGGs!!
I think too, once you find peace in your own skin it is easier to be open about problems and needing help.
Love the guilt toilet ..... "FLUSH"!
I don't feel guilt about relating family dynamics, or facts about my father's behavior, or even my own feelings, in hopes of ditching the bad, negative emotions - or - others having advice for me. I do occasionally feel something like embarrassment... then I just get over it. Being on AC and being able to open up about the things I'm experiencing as a caregiver has been a Godsend.
Be yourself - do things your way.