My father is 91 years old and living at home with my mother.
He has been diagnosed with dementia.
give him a plate of food and a fork, he knows what to do.
ask him who I am, he has no idea.
No idea what day it is, where he lives, etc.
He has been an a**hole his whole life.
He lives at home with my mother, 84.
He refuses to do anything he decides in that moment he does not want to do.
I argued with him for nearly two hours trying to get him to take his dentures out for the night... something he has done thousands of times over the past decades.
When he decides that he agrees with what is taking place, he is fine. For example I ask him "feel those whiskers on your face? doesn't that bother you? you've never had a beard in your life." then he agrees and let's me shave him.
Sometimes he is agreeable and lets me bathe him, sometimes he refuses.
Sometimes he refuses to let us bathe him even when is depends is full of excrement.
Here's the real problem, physically, he is in better shape than many people twenty years younger than him. He punched me in the face when I was trying to get him to take his teeth out this evening.
He is a danger to himself and my mother.
They are, of course, part of the generation that believed as long as they paid that FICA tax every two weeks FDR would take care of them... in other words, their only income is Social Security. They have no assets. No money... all due to poor decisions made by my father during the decades he was in charge.
He needs to be in a home, but we have no money to make it happen. I submitted the paperwork to get him on medicaid, but that will take at least 45 days to process, then how long will it take them to put him in a facility?
My real fear is that my father will, like every other male member of his family going back several generations, live another ten years as there is nothing really physically wrong with him.
My Dad is gone and has been gone for a long time, but his body persists.
Honestly if he died in his sleep tonight, I would mourn, but we would all, including him, better off.
QUESTION: If I call adult protective services and tell them he is a danger to himself and my mother and needs to go away "right now" what will happen? What will happen to his Social Security income? My mother would be destitute without it.
Thanks for reading.