Dad is 92, stroke a year and a half ago, parkinsons and some dementia. he is a narcissist and a bully. Nothing he can say or do is wrong no matter how abusive. he will argue to the death things that are factually incorrect. he feels the need to control and will lie, cheat and steal to get it. No one knows except him. So he doesnt listen to doctors, therapists or me. I moved home at the point of a job change about four years ago. It afforded me the opportunity to school for a new career and as it turned out watch over my folks and spend some time with my Mom who passed a year ago. I am at present working to IT certifications to have a better paying career.

As far as the narcissism goes I had noticed some really odd behaviour about him and we had some pretty good arguments almost resulting in me leaving. he cant take care of himself. So for the most part i get what hes about and that he doesnt love me, he told me I'm the houseboy.

So the problem is that he never co operated with the doctors or the therapists and never did the PT or exercise programs because he didn't understand nor think he needed them. Now he has extreme difficulty walking and often uses a walker. he has difficulty standing up, sitting down is just dropping. he has taken to sitting in the dark a good portion of the day. he told me a couple days ago that he will die soon and he is at peace with it. I have no idea why. He has decided to give up driving. Everytime I try and help he either ignores it, takes advantage, or just discounts it offhand. he greatly suffers for it.

Sadly, knowing how he is I am not willing to put myself in a vulnerable position or allow him any power over me whatsoever in any way. he refuses to see anyone. He suffers bouts of weakness and fell last week. There are certain things I must do to take care of my own health and life but I feel like I cannot help him and he will never change. I have the biggest exam of my life tomorrow and am so frazzled I havent much hope. I just feel like im just waiting for him to die and he wants to go. he has no one to feed his narcissism and I think that threw him in a descending depression. Not sure what the point of my post is...any thoughts welcomed.

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Dimeolas, what are your options? I take it that you are not in the USA. Living with your father seems to be destroying your chances at a successful life. I understand that you feel you must be responsible for his care, but are there other options? Are there care homes or skilled nursing facilities like we have in our country? Can you turn Dad’s care over to a home healthcare agency? Is there a government agency like Adult Protective Services that you can contact for help?

Simply because Dad says he is going to die doesn’t mean he will. Most of the old people I’ve known in my life have used that line for dramatic effect. No one knows when they will die, and as my father used to say, some people are just too ornery to die.

You are an adult and you need to decide what you will do. You can continue to live like this and sacrifice yourself for a man who couldn’t care less. Or, you can launch yourself into a productive and successful life.

You can't help somebody who doesn't want help. In reality you can just be there for him and I don't have the amswer to how to do that or what it would look like. Grandma has a good idea about hospice, but I am thinking dad won't go for it. You should however try.
Just keep doing what you are doing I suppose. I know others will have better ideas than me.

But it does sound like your dad has given up and sorry to say, once someone decides to give up you can't change their minds! Yes, there are the rare occasion when one does change their minds, but I have seen my fair share of people of all ages that just gave up for whatever reason and science can't really explain it!

Study for your exam and get that out of the way! We can not always choose what happens or when, but we do have a choice on what we do with what we have. I hope I am not confusing you or sounding cold. Just some people we can't help no matter how much we love and care for them.

Contact hospice and see what they can do to help.

Good luck!

Your profile indicates you are caring for your Mother. Are you also caring for your Father?
Have you contacted Hospice? They will help with supplies, equipment as well as having a Nurse come in once a week, more if needed, CNA will come in a few times a week to help with bathing and dressing as well as ordering supplies. If your Mom is eligible as well both parents could be on Hospice at the same time.
If you are caring for both and going to school you are probably overwhelmed with everything.
But If your dad is indeed ready to die Hospice will help with pain and symptom management if necessary.
And with Hospice you will get emotional support as well.
Good luck on your exam.

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