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My father had a hemorrhagic stroke 3 years ago and believes he is 32 years old. He is 80. He has right side paralysis. Needs help toileting, dressing, bathing, eating, and getting around. They have help 30 hours a week in their home. It is taking an extreme toll on my mother. She will not put him in any kind of facility. The first year after the stroke he was in a NH and it is a miracle he survived there. He has imuproved greatly since coming home. My mother is very depressed and down all the time. I have a brother that lives in the same town and spends 2 nights a week in their home. Things seem ok but my mother makes me feel extremely guilty for moving away. We have not lived in the same town for over 30 years. I come when I can and stay as long as I can but it is miserable. She dredges up old old transgressions every time I am there. I am the only one she wants to talk to, I am the accountant, psychologist, cook, plumber, expert in everything and it is sooooo hard. If I do not call every day, I get the cold shoulder. If I miss a day calling I get everyone asked if I heard from you yesterday and of course I had to answer no. Now the caregiver is reaching out to me because mom is micromanaging her. Seeing this in writing sure makes me feel like I could do more but where do I get the strength. I have a husband with cancer and a college age son battling depression and addiction. I am ready to give up. Oh yeah, I also work full time as a sales trainer for a technology company. Hoping to find some answers.

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Is your mother's depression being treated?

You have enough on YOUR plate, and she has quite a bit on hers! This NOT YOUR FAULT!!

There are no easy answers here, but your moving back home is not one of them. Can you get your mom in to see her doctor, perhaps with your brother, to have her physical and mental health assessed?
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