My father has Alzheimers/Demential and we were fortunate to find an excellent veterans center where he has lived for about five years. They truly care about their residents and he has been very happy and content there. My sister lived less than an hour away from the center when we moved him there and saw him frequently. About 18 months ago her husband took a job half-way across the US. We have three other siblings that live 2-1/2 hours away from him and I also live 800 miles away.
Recently his physical and mental health has rapidly declined. He has started falling (5 times in 3 days) - is weak - can't communicate - has no interest in anything. The closest siblings are too far away to see him on a regular basis and the two of us that live great distances certainly can't.
Our dilemma is that we know it is a nightmare finding a good home with caring staff. We all feel very comfortable with this home on that front. They all knew him before he digressed and truly care.
What's more important? His comfort and care or our ability to be close enough to visit frequently? We are having a very difficult time knowing that no one is seeing him on a regular basis. It has become much more difficult as his ability to communicate has decreased to this level. Some say that moving him would be much more traumatic for him versus leaving him there where we are certain he well cared for. Is he better off where he is and we are being selfish to want him close or is it more important for us to see him regularly?
Please help me process these feelings as I truly do want what is best for him but I also have to live with myself and the decision we make.