My family thinks I pushed my parents out of my house.

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My dad and my mother in law are a couple living with me, my husband and my only child (12 years old boy), since 2004. My dad is very helpfull, he cooks, do the garden some times and is allways ready to help. My mother in law is messy, lazy and has their bedroom packed with food and stuff that they do not need. It is very difficult to live with her and she always are ready to tell her friends and my sister in law about what ever happens at home. I do not want to live with her but I love my husband and my dad too and because of them I have been in that situation for 4 years. Now they decided to move out for a very clean and good assisted living facility but I think my dad is very depressed...I feel myself very guilty because I am hurting my dad and everybody in my family, even my husband, believes that I were pushing then to move out. I feel a real pain in my chest when I think about it...what can I do?

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Ladymom
I hope you will still read our post and stay involved your experiences are very valuable to those in the trenches and to those whose loved ones are in their own pllaces
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Thanks to all of you for your advice. I think the dementia is another thing that is affecting her sleep. At the next doctor's visit I am going to discuss perhaps getting something mild for anxiety. As I am sure it is with most of you I find it disheartening to see the changes in my mother. Some of it just seems to happen overnight. Again thanks to all of you.
MrsGrasshopper
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Hello Carol, how are you? how are your things? thank you for being so kind.
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Congratulations! You found a good assisted living. That's how they should be, and most elders will adjust and grow to love the activity and make friends. This is so uplifting.
Carol
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For all my friends this is the last update about our parents:
I am so glad for the actual situation of my dad and my mother in law, and now I have to include my mother in law’s sister, that was there before them, coming from my sister in law’s home: they already love the place.
My dad has many friends, and plays dominoes every afternoon. They participate in every single activity going on there and I am sure he is happy, because I know him. Then, on the weekends I pick them up to go home, where we cook, watch movies, sometimes we go to a party, shopping or simply stay home but whatever activity we have, we take them with us. He also goes to visit home in the middle of the week and cook that day for us, and he take out our little dog to walk around our neighborhood and greeting his friends.
My mother in law belongs to a yoga club, and has many girlfriends there. They have a little apartment that we decorate trying to put together beautiful things and lot of love to make everything more comfy and pretty for them… my mother in law is very proud of her apartment and try to keep it clean and organized, she use to host tea or coffee party for her friends. Now she is very nice to my son and me.
My “aunt in law” is a great piano player, and she plays every day in the assisted living facility. Everybody knows her! She is also in the yoga club. They are frequently together although she lives in the 3rd floor and our parents in the 7th.
We use to go to their place to see all of them once or twice in the middle of the week although we have no time among all the things we have during the week, we try hard to make time to see them and take them something "homemade" to eat.
At the end of October, we send all of them in a Cruise four days to the Bahamas and they had a good time.
Any time I have, I go there no matter what. I talk to the staff offering my help any time they need me. I use to take my son there too, and he plays dominoes with my dad, friends, and billiard with a close friend that my dad has there. We also take Ginger our little dog there some times, and it is very good for them and for Ginger too!
In the assisted living facility where they live there is always a Celebration, they had a party for Halloween and all of them had a costume, my dad as tourist and my mother in law and her sister as a southern women…very funny!
Last week we placed a Christmas tree in their apartment and we decorated it together, I can assure you my friends, they enjoyed a lot that time. In addition, we prepared the turkey and the Thanksgivings dinner together in my home too!
Moreover, yes, our relationship with them is much better right now, because they feel we care and watch over them.
I think your prayers helped me, my husband and my son to be confident about the situation, and helped them as well to appreciate what they have already to enjoy their lives plenty of love. Thank you!
Now is my turn to pray hard for you and your loved ones, and I hope everything in your lives will be better with care and love...
Thank you again.
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Mrs Grasshopper, my dad was 95 and was put on a prescribed sleep aid at first he reacted like he saw and did things he never did. They also may get them out of bed my dad couldn't take Ambian. Then he wanted them all the time he had me always reminding the nurses to make sure he got his sleeping pills. Blood pressure has to be good before taking sleeping pills because they can lower pressure.
Your mom may have sleep apnia which can wake you many times throughout sleep and also acid reflux can and is associated with sleep apnia. Just some tips because I was through all of it with my Dad. Good luck, Decor426
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Carol, Thank you so much for your prompt reply. I asked my mother's doctor about over the counter sleep aids. She suggested SleepMD and TylenolPM. Neither seems to have much affect. I think you may be right about a turned around sleep schedule and she does nod a lot during the day. At age 95 she doesn't seem very interested in much of anything. I am going to try playing the piano for her just before her bedtime. Maybe that will help. Again thank you for your reply.
MrsGrasshopper
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Elders don't cope with medications as well as younger people, so it may be best to check with a doctor.

There are over-the-counter ones, but a prescription med. to help make her drowsy and get her on a good sleep schedule could help. Unfortunately, as we age, it's not unusual to have more problems sleeping. In your case, I'm sure it's interrupting your sleep, too. I'd check with the doctor and see if there's something they could try. She may be having anxiety problems, but likely it's a turned around schedul or she's just not tired enough to stay asleep.

Carol
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How do you cope with an elderly parent who does not sleep at night and keeps coming out of her room? Can you suggest any safe sleep aids?

MrsGrasshopper
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LADYMOM
How are things going any better adjustment by your Dad-hope so.
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