My widowed mom moved upstairs from me. She has zero social life except our family. I am expected to touch base with her daily. Sometimes I don't feel like even calling her on the phone for a 30 second conversation. I feel so guilty and feel like a bad daughter. Am I obligated to call and/or show my face daily? My daughter guilts me by saying "just check up on her, please." It seems too much for me sometimes, ridiculous right? :(

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
You don't say how old your mother is or if she has impairments in addition to depression. It is often a very good idea for someone to touch base at least daily with elderly persons. In my mother's building this was done via an "I'm OK" card system. And it can be especially important that a person with depression is not completely isolated day after day.

So a daily check-in is probably good for Mom. But for whatever reason it does not sound like it is good for you to be the "checker." Perhaps your daughter would be a good candidate to do this. If there are more family members, spreading that task around might be good.

I agree that the phone line goes both ways, and Mom could call you. But in the first place if she is depressed, taking the initiative is difficult. And secondly it sounds like you just plain don't want to talk to her some days, even for 30 seconds.

Is your mother getting treatment for depression?

Are you depressed? If so, are you getting treatment?

Perhaps if you could explain why you don't want to have contact with your mother even briefly once a day someone would have some more specific suggestions.

Finding someone to contact her daily might be a good alternative, if her age and general health warrant that.

No. Here is how I feel, the phone line and the stairs run both ways. If someone isn't calling me, I soon stop calling them (especially if they are grumpy.) My mother always says "So and so hasn't called." I ask her when the last time was that she called or went to see them.

I would tell your daughter to do the checking herself. Does your mother need a call alert button? How is her health?

No. Nothing is ridiculous about feelings in regard to caregiving:) you are protecting yourself. You sense the possibilities. Who is "expecting " you to touch base Daily?" A phone call is just as good. So, what are you feeling that is overwhelming? We are here for you:) xo

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter