Family member in medicine is guiding a 93-year-old with moderate AD toward neck and spine surgery.

The family member said that they didn't know how any of the bruises occurred. I'm not being cynical I'm just tired and worried. I do think beyond rational is happening. And I will look into your book thank you so much for caring enough to respond.

Albeit I've got a photo of my mother that I took to monitor how well she was recovering from a fall. She looks like I've punched her several times in the face, and the bruising spreads a long way from the site of the actual impact. So unless your pictures show fingerprints or something, I don't think you have to be cynical to see why the judge might not be in a hurry to interfere.

Buy your family member a copy of 'Being Mortal' by Atul Gawande.

Pictures of bruises on her throat and cheeks where giving to elderly abuse. The judge took it and said that they would handle it. That was 5 MO ago.

Thank you, 5 years of similar behavior. And the court system is crooked so its very difficult to make sense of any of it.

It sounds pretty sadistic to me. I'd see an attorney and ask about court action to take control. Regardless, of whether this family member is a doctor....he sounds way OFF. Even a court would see through that.

I worry that the exhaustion and running her all the time is quickening and deepening her memory loss. And even with therapy and just having to go somewhere all the time, everyday get up get in the shower and go. I don't know why they're trying to rush her to the grave. There are many people that want to see Mother and spend time with her and don't mind caregiving her but that bunch won't let anybody. They control the situation by keeping the medicine. At this point in time they don't even let them even see her other children. my mother is holding out but she's getting tired and she scared of doctors now too. As I said I stick a needle in her over nothing. Sometimes she takes her to two different doctors back-to-back and both doctors will draw a whole bunch of blood.

The outcome said out loud "want her to have more energy and to be able to run around like she did and not be exhausted and fall in bed immediately when she got home. Their lifestyle is like teenagers running around all the time shopping, lunches with all kinds of different people, all the time going to every invite, funeral, shower, party that comes along. ..And are Always the last ones to leave.

I would think the medical doctor truly wants to remedy the situation but ... stop at nothing and do not consider the age of the person in their care or the known life changes that come with aging. Regardless of the physical issues they order every test known to the medical community in order to get to the very bottom of it regardless if a solution is even viable once diagnosis is known.

When General anesthesia was mentioned plus moderate AD, confusion, more memory loss, they said it was worth it. And a feeding tube, foreign feeling in throat, neck brace, significant post op care... my thought is it she would survive the surgery but not the recovery. I think it would be very depressing for her. And with AD she would not understand that it was a temporary state.

So against all common sense, all advice and in the teeth of opposition from virtually everyone involved, the family member in medicine (hereinafter FMIM) persists in believing that the neck and spine surgery is the right option.

Why? What positive outcome for the elderly lady is the FMIM hoping to achieve?

This is AWFUL! What does the MD in the family specialize in? I'm wondering if this MD wants to use this patient in an observational study/case study to be published in a medical journal. I come across these types journal articles every now and then when I'm rearching something for my mother. There has to be some sort of hidden agenda here because any doctor with common sense will say no to this procedure and hopefully call APS on this MD and the family who is doing this to this poor patient. This is abuse of the patient, in my book. It's very strange that this MD keeps trying to find doctors to do this surgery...

One member of my local support group had her husband (dementia) assign their son's best friend as the medical POA. Both her son and the friend were mds. She felt that it might be too hard on her son to be objective. The friend had known the family for years but would more likely to be objective. She said that several times doctors advised something and she told them, "Well I'm sure you have good reasons for your recommendations. We'll just run this by his medical POA, Dr. Friend." This certainly surprised the treating doctors but it gave her piece of mind.

I think the situation here is one example of the conflict she feared. Her son might think that everything earthly possible should be tried, while a doctor not related might be able to be more objective and take a wait-and-see approach.

It is good to have a doctor in the family. He or she can explain the medical terms and help the whole family understand what is going on. But maybe it is not a good idea for him or her to make the decisions.

Do you have any idea what the motivation is for the family member to push forward with a high risk surgery and against the Primary doctor's good judgment? Is there some hidden motivation? It just seems an odd position to take.

If there are co-guardians, don't they both have to approve before this can go ahead? That's how it works with POA. The "good" guardian should stand firm and should make their decision known to all the medical people involved, in writing. "As co-guardian of Jane Marie Doe, I do not consent to surgery on her neck." Attach a photo copy of the guardianship papers.

A good person is Co also, trying to slow the process now.

I'm not sure the reasoning but they have the surgery on fast track and she's already seen cardio and lung. Lung doctor said hi risk, No. The preliminary cardio work up said hi risk but they were going to do tests. That's when they switched doctors to another area where family may have influence.

Surgeon agreed to do it post clearance.

She is not in chronic pain. She may have discomfort due to one compression but a doctor met with and was willing to do some kind of pain injection/block.

That was immediately refused when the one who is driving the care found out.

She has osteopena as well.

Who is the other guardian?

What will the surgery hope to improve ? Is the 93 year old in severe pain ? What would be the recovery and where would the recovery take place?

It would have to be a near life or death decision wherein the benefits outweighed the risks for me to allow my near 94 year old mom to have spinal surgery

Thank you. This is new terrain and its always good to hear other peoples experiences. Thank you so much

Who is POA! Ahh, co guardian, who is the other? They have the ability to stop this. I would stop it, too risky, do not know if it will be successful. The family member MD needs to just back off. Administration of anesthesia could cause dementia to advance rapidly, it did with my AD mom when she had surgery at 81. Effects of anesthesia on the elderly is well documented. Is her PCP a geriatrician? Ask for info on effects of anesthesia

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The caregiver is a legal Co guardian.

Who has medical poa and who is the caregiver?