My little sister called Sunday Night, saying, "My daughter is dead." She and her husband had just been out in California for 10 days to visit. The evening they left, her daughter went for a ride on her motorcycle, which ended her life, tragically. She was only 21, leaving behind a 21 year old husband, and 2 year old boy. Needless to say, family is devasted.
Problem is, she lived in CA, and her family is in Illinois, where she and her husband is from. There will be a memorial service both places. Grandma, (our mother) lives in Michigan. This requires travel for all of us. My sister knows of the difficulties with my Mom (physical and mental health issues), and both expect me to drive Mom 8 hours to the funeral in Illinois next week.
Mom expects is, even though she threatens constantly to "take me to court" for [non-existent] "abuse." And my sister expects me to drive Mom there, even though she "doesn't want Mom in her house," because she "just can't deal with her." That puts the entire burden of transport, housing, care, etc. on me, as Mom's legal "Guardian," and responsible party.
Due to Mom's Personality Disorder, our Dad's Alzheimer's Disease, family dynamics, and several others factors, the whole situation is grievous. Needless to say, my husband and I are struggling, as well. (Not just over the loss of my niece, but by the whole dysfunctional system.)
The worst is my Mom. She has torn up her dance card with all of us, but everyone demands she be included in the funeral, and that I must facilitate that. Not only that, but everyone "hates" everyone else, with clashing values, and unreasonable expectations. What a mess!
Prayer appreciated, as well as constructive suggestions. Please be gentle, as we don't need judgements and criticism at this time. Thank you.
Anywho, the answers would still reflect if the question was asked today :)
If the rest of the family insists that Mom attend the funeral, then have one of them come get the both of you. It is not fair that you would be required to handle this on your own.
i still dont cave to societys expectations .
one of our local funeral parlors has had to hire goons to quell the fist , knife , and gunfights at family funerals . its rather comical to me as they all wore their sunday best to a street brawl .
dammit pam, now i have to go listen to DAC singing " one monkey dont start no show " . might as well hear " aint there nothing sacred no more " too i guess ..
Not your circus, not your monkeys (old Polish proverb)
you dont have to observe other peoples traditions / expectations .
man, a few months ago i saw a news clip of a city recieving a piece of steel beam from the wtc with which to build a memorial . as the steel beam arrived several soldiers were standing and saluting the piece of steel . i nearly drowned blowing coffee out my nose . what next , a 21 gun salute to the cutting torches ? the delivery truck pistons ?
sorry for your loss and family discord -- people are nuts ..
Just got this post and I am so sorry for your loss. You have so much to deal with and having your mother attend just seems like an impossible situation. Since you are in charge, take charge. Just say that it is too difficult on you and her. Get someone to stay with her and go be with your sister. She needs you; your mom will be fine for the few days that it takes.