I don't know how long my dad has. Could be a week, could be several months. But, he was a real misogynist as I was growing up. He got better with time. When he goes, I plan to ask six women in the family to serve as pallbearers. It may not have been his choice, but it makes me happy.
Their dad - is another story. First of all - he has alienated most people in his life. And second the few people that would attend either out of some sort of obligation or because he has them snowed and would word vomit his praises. We are all that is left otherwise. With COVID and the fact that DH and his sister have such social anxiety about funerals in general, and the fact that the only other remaining family members are spread out all over the country...we talked and decided that we don't want to do a funeral. When the day comes, we will cremate him and have a private, immediate family get together and that is it.
But there is also something poetic about it - because it is the exact opposite of what HE would want. He would want something huge, with lots of people that he hasn't seen or spoken to in years making a Herculean effort to come out and sing his praises and (Because that is what people do and say whether they believe it or not when they talk to the family) And people spending tons of money to buy flowers and people crying. And a long line of cars led by police. And a long receiving line and pallbearers solemnly carrying a coffin. We will bury his urn with his ashes next to his wife because he has a headstone. But no fanfare. No huge funeral.
He hasn't told us what he wants. He has never spent the time to say - this is what I want. He hasn't paid for anything. When it happens it is entirely up to us what to do.
Funerals are for the living.
I was a pallbearer for my grandma, she had actually left a list of who she wanted. She died at 101 so most of those people were long dead and gone. I was a substitute.😉😉
Has he left a list? You should ask him.