Family exclusion; I've all but been dumped by my family, and they're going to completely dump me when my dad is gone.

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I'm whining again. I recently had a birthday party for my dad. Most of the family showed up. Only one person besides me brought a gift, no one else even brought a card. I do not understand them at all. It's a birthday party!! Fast forward a few weeks. Although I've had party after party, offered my home to them in times of crisis, babysat, etc. I just found out that one of them is having another family birthday party, but my kids and I are not invited. I have truly just about had it. My dad asked me tonight if I was going, and I told him I wasn't invited. He was completely stunned. Until now, I've not been forthcoming with him at all about the numerous slights and multiple times they've ignored my attempts to communicate, as I wanted him to focus on his health, and not on family drama. But it all just came tumbling out tonight. I told him how they've ignored me, and said unkind comments, and that my kids and I have come to consider him, not them, our family. We've never even been invited to most of their homes, despite having invited them for parties that require a lot of work, time, money, and love. I'm realizing that I've all but been dumped by my family, and they're going to completely dump me when my dad is gone. They've shown a mild, sudden interest in helping out the last few weeks. I've been trying not to assume that they were afraid of being cut off financially, but I don't know what else to think. There are so many details that I'm pretty sure this won't make a lot of sense. I've posted about similar events before, but I just can't seem to get used to this. I feel shaky and like someone just slugged me in the stomach.

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Day #26: Today I’m going to exercise my right to decide how people affect me. This is a habit.
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Day #24/25: since manageing caregiving on top of multiple losses over the last few years, on my days off I’ve been having a really hard time making sense of a schedule. When I don’t have to be somewhere I sometimes have difficulty even getting out of bed. Not much of a respite. Yesterday was one of those days. I was a complete blob until I absolutely had to get up & out to handle something. I think exercise will help this problem but man is it hard to do on a regular basis when you’re feeling so crappy. I’ve decided to plan a summer event that truly no one else would care if I were fit & trim for, but I care. This will hopefully give me a target or a reason to get up & moving.
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Yes, neither kind person even if a stranger can bring on the tears and make us feel that at least someone notices! Not all people will treat caregivers as badly as family does.
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"She took the time to ask & listen." That so many caregivers are rejected or mistreated by families, it's amazing how one person who listens to us can make us feel so much better.
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suzeeQ - you're doing great. I'm cheering for you.
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Ive learned so much from reading all of your stories. Who new there were so many people going thru the same thing with their siblings. Thanks to all especially sueQ. God bless
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Day #22/23: it’s amazing to me what the support of 1 person can do for the morale. I recently had a conversation with a lifelong family friend who asked, listened, and seemed to agree with my observations, but frankly that’s irrelevant. Even if she had disagreed, she took the time to ask & listen. My whole world feels different.
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That's great Suzee! Don't be hard on yourself if you have some hard times and set backs ahead.

For me, it is 2 steps forward and one step back. I just now had a cringe moment with my sister that I want to beat myself up for but am trying to not be hard on myself.. i'm human.. and so are you.

So my cringe moment.. My boundaries are no calls whatsoever from them during my work hours for any reason.. all calls go to voicemail and I return them later unless its an emergency. (which they rarely call so not hard to enforce.. but when they do they like to call during my work hours)

I was on the phone for a work issue and I see my sister calling on my cell.. Deep down I hope beyond hope that she cares and is calling because its the right thing to do. Against my set boundaries I call her back.. and she says... I can't talk now.. can I call you back later? .. that's her MO.. she will not call back and we both know it. OMG!! When will I learn? lol ... its a setback... I will get up, dust myself off.. and next time..... do not break my own boundaries!!!!!

This is tough.. on one hand I let them show me just how much they don't care.. but deep down I keep wishing they do care.... Things just aren't going to change and I need to accept that and stop letting them into my life .

Sorry .. didn't mean to be a downer on your thread... its an ongoing struggle for me.,, the important thing is to keep the focus and don't allow them to keep you down!
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Day #20/21: I think I might’ve turned a corner. I’m suddenly more concerned with what I think, than what my sibs, & especially their spouses think. Still working on having the confidence to verbalize that, particularly when they’re in my face implying incompetence.
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My high school age kids had a significant award posted on FB and something like 60 adult friends of theirs (not mine) posted congratulations. None of the relatives. I told them, family is who you chose, not the accident of genetics. Don't let the turkeys get you down just because you were hatched in the same nest!
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