I moved in with my 83 year old aunt..upstairs, she was helping me I was helping her. And I am burned out. She is lonely, angry, shouldn't drive, needs more help then I can give. She has tons of money and insurance, however since I am here she refuses to admit that she needs more help, even when I gently suggest her hiring a part time care taker. I have resorted to just ignoring her most of the time, because I don't know what to do. Her family and my owns attitude is, " so leave her, she will be fine..." and in reality she won't. and that is not my point. anyway - so very sad, all of this. and it doesnt have to be.

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she is helping me by giving me a place to live. I am helping her by looking after her, I take care of the home, make sure that she doesn't leave the stove on, the doors opened and unlocked, the air on, help her with the computer, daily, television, phones, when she fell in the garage, I helped her, calmed her, got her a new emergency phone, with a panic button. just some of the things. I am very aware that it is helpful to the two of us, she invited me to live with her, due to the fact that it would benefit the two of us. I don't ignore, I just don't give too much information, because I am met with " why should I care, who cares etc.." whats in it for me? security at this time regarding a living situation. I was very sick last year and in and out of the hospital myself. Now I am better and stronger. I have discussed the living situation and my desire to have her intentions in writing, i.e.; her, " I want you to stay here, if something happens to me, don't worry the family won't kick you out.." me, " why wouldn't they? " because they are not like that. hmmm. she was surviving before I moved in, and when I moved in she had her hip replaced, and stayed a shut in for the most part. She doesn't see anyone. goes to the supermarket and doctor every other week. I would say that she was thriving because I have noticed that she doesn't talk to anyone but me. and she becomes lively and excited about little things like me finding her a movie to watch, showing her the computer, not judging her when she forgets...( It happens, don't get upset about it..) regarding her not surviving, well - I have come to believe her when she says, " I don't need anyones help.." she has shared with me how long it takes her to get dressed and do the things she enjoys. How frustrating it is, and I listen. and empathize. she has told me that she has a provision in her health care, that will pay for full time home care. ( she did well..) and money, is a big deal to her. She has expressed her wish for me to buy her home that we share, i told her that realistically I can't afford it at this time, and thanked her.

So as you can see, this is complicated. And I am kind of exhausted. I believe my biggest frustration is the attitude from her siblings and my own, " well thats her, she is difficult, good luck..." anyway. can I survive? yes. and this thread just shows me that perhaps I should take her at her words which change daily..." just leave me alone.." not trying to save her, just find it watch see, etc. oh, and she is a successful alcholocic ...

How is she helping you?
How are you helping her?
Is ignoring her helping her loneliness or anger?
What's in it for you?
Does she have a living will? Who are the beneficiaries?
Are you legally listed to benefit from an inheritance?
How long have you been living with your Aunt?
Was she surviving before you moved in with her?
What makes you think she will not survive if you move out?
Can you survive if you move out of her house?

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