My family didn't want me to help care for my mother until they found out that they do not compensate for her care.


I was the out of town youngest female sibling and I was totally disregarded when time to care for my terminally ill mother. Even though I had quit my job to help care for her, and had taken off from work to be with her during all but one of her dr. appts, my older siblings and the ones closest didn't want me to help. They wanted to totally exclude me from being around her. Then after she passed, they did exactly what the article said sometimes happens, the older siblings that lived closest wanted to get glory for caring for our mother and some did not even as much as visit her, did not assist in her care, and was not present when she passed. I had been there to help with her before she passed until I was told my support was not needed. I found out later that the ones that lived the closest had been misinformed that they would be compensated by social security for her care, would automatically have power of attorney over her, and would be over her money. So this really does happen.

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Good advice, Lilliput! Seeing an attorney for my parent's estate tomorrow.

I worked at an estate-planning law firm for several years. I remember one of the longtime senior partners telling his clients to, "not leave anything to the greedy grandchildren" when planning their estates. What he advised them to do is spend their money on themselves, while they were healthy enough to do so, and leave the rest to charity. I think that there is such wisdom in his advice. When the greedy hoard realizes that there is no monetary gain they will slip back under the rocks from which they came...the others will remain for the right reasons.

KYH: so sorry to hear about your loss and your bad experience with the fam. Know that you did the right thing for your mother and she knows it too!!!

Wow! What a story. Greed, and family dynamics bring out the worst in people, at times, it seems. What a heartbreak.