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My Brother is going into a nursing home and he needs to have a D..P.O.A and my sister that he was living wth want me to be on with her...But it seems my our family doesnt want me on because of what they THINK i did to our dad in regards to his money that they seemed to think he had alot OF..They have it all wrong but you cant tell them nothing they really think i spent all their inheritance and the bad part of it , they didnt deserve it even if they did get some, they didnt want to help me they drop everything in my lap when they went on with their lives, i put my life on hold for 5 yrs cuz i choosed to take care of dad and surely they all agreed it wasnt sweat of their backs, but when that time came for my dad to go on..OH BOY their hands were all stuck out but it came up empty so if you read my stories back you can read what they did to me and didnt accomplisehd anything, but my sister called me and ask me to help with our brother, others were frantic telling her dont let her handlel no money etc etc.im like......no you guys didnt say that while you guys are standing on the side line ..i back off when all this come about with my brother because i KNEW this would come up so...a few days later she called me and i told her i can tell you what you can do and she said NO i want you on here with me, at first i said no because i don't want to get involved," i will help you" i told her and she said "NO PLEASE" she doesnt care what the others say she has to act now on this because our 'tbrother needs help bad in all fields. I really don't want to do this but i know how it feels todo it all by urself and turn around and get ------ on and with her she is so small and petitie they will chew her up and spit her out if she messed up she is not as strong as me cause i told them all to go to ---and didnt blink either...

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msdiva Hugs to you, I am going through a similar battle, but I am waiting on a court decision. I have decided (due to situation like yours) I do not want the position. It is not worth having family question every move and every penny. It is so sad when families drift apart when they need to come together.
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LilDebb39, you were not called out and were not treated judgmentally, at least not by me. I was only trying to explain that there was some history here that newcomers wouldn't be aware of. I have reread my comment and it is not remotely rude so I am not apologizing, but I am sorry that we got off on the wrong foot together.

My direct caregiving has been 9.5 years for my husband with dementia. Now my mother who also has dementia is living with my sister, and I am hoping to be be very supportive. I have only warm feelings for those caring for loved ones with dementia.
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OK//but no one is on here to be called out she meant no harm...i got alot of advices on here and my father had ALZ too i took care of him for 6 yrs and thats how they THOUGHT they got me but it didnt work like i said..but anyway welcome to this sight..im sorry u felt you got called out but trust me you will get some good advices on here, but sometimes when it come to parents inheriance family just goes crazy one wants to run the show the other want everything and THINKS they deserve it but i prove my family wrong..so good luck my friend and once again WELCOME....
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I am new to this and no, did not take time to look up your past. I was just trying to be helpful, but got called out.
I am on here to seek information regarding Dementia, as my father has been diagnosed. I was his caregiver for a month or so and then he made me come back to FL, to be with my family. As if he is not family and does not matter.

Misdiva, my heart goes out to you and what you went through!! Only the strong could go through something like that and come out on top. You are blessed. To a certain degree, my family is going through a tough time. My story is ugly, but not that ugly. I want the best for my father, i want for his wishes to be fulfilled. i want whatever he wants. My sibling, stole the will found out he has POA and has done many nasty, horrible things since then. My father has an equal amount to go to the siblings.......however, my brother found out dad's net worth and also found out a large portion is going to be donated to the church, in my mother's honor. He wants all the money and belongings. What kills me is that he does not see how bad our father is hurting because our family is arguing. It is not fair to dad to have to watch his kids argue. Regardless.
So, I understand where you are coming from! Rude to be called out....just my perspective.
God Bless
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lildebb i dont think she was trying to be judemental all she was saying the reasons why i will not be part of my brothers D.P.O.A .If you have the time you can read back on my posts just about everyone on here knows the terror i went thru sometimes its best to stay out the second time around but i assure you i came out on top i refuse to pay anythng back i went thru hell with this family of mine sueing me not speaking to me for a yr and they ambushed me right after the funeral, but one thing i took after my mother i am a strong woman and i did not stand down i stood against 11 kids i stood alone thru this whole ordeal while they did what they did and there was two of us on the D.P O A thats what the lawyer put it i dnt know nothing about who can do what if that other cant do it thats not how he put it on the paper, but when it came time for them to sue me my brother left me standing alone..but i came out on top..and BTW my dad left me something and they didnt even know til a yr after my father passed i would have shared it with them but the hell with them i prove my self and prove it well and didnt have one lawyer standing with me i went to court on my own..NO ONE stood with me but the GOOD LORD HISSELF and my parents were there in spirit....
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There are a thousand types of POA, on a General POA, there is one and a backup. If more than two General POA's exist, the courts will determine witch one to use. You can give a POA to anybody for just about anything. Wether or not it will stand up in court, is another matter.
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Jeannegibbs, you are right I have no idea what she is going through; nor, do you have any idea what I AM GOING THROUGH! You want to be judge mental, I was trying to help! Looking at it from my eyes. Eyes that are going through what seems to be the same. I am looking out for the best interest of my father! My sibling, has my fathers net worth in his best interest! I am the spouse of an Active Duty Army Officer and have followed him around the last 21 years, I can not just get in the car and rive to his house. I fly to see him every couple of months.......Please, i am here to give helpful info, not to be attacked.
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oh my friend it can be done, you can have a papers drawed up without her even knowing i know becuz it was done to me this is why i don't want to help with my brother .im not a heartless person but my feeling was so hurt and angry about what my family did but i know it can be done..im a living witness
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Hi MsDiva, when I first found this site, I accidentally read an old thread (old meaning prior to my arrival) in which you were so angry and bitter against the family turning against you. I couldn't believe how bad it got. I forgot the details, but I still remember how awful it was for you.

I am soooo glad that you have decided to NOT share with the DPOA. I would have been suspicious on why sis wants You to legally share responsibility. As I read this thread, I kept thinking that sis wants you there so that if anything goes wrong, you will be the fall guy - the person to be blamed.

Ms.Diva, you can always make peace with your siblings...but never ever forget what they did to you. Action speaks louder than words. I'd watch my back when around them. They have proven that they can easily turn against you for something so trivial as money (material possessions.) You be careful now. Take care!
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msdiva I share POA with my sister for my mother. She gave me a hard time delayed action in emergency's. She's Told me to throw checks from past income tax returns due to the NH in the garbage because she won't sign them. Not to mention the unwillingness to help me file Returns that Medicaid expects me to so that I can pay the NH. Sister tells me to call a lawyer about stuff I already 3 years ago knew and told her if she were paying attention or if she were involved she'd know about.
Now my brother who is suffering with cancer and mentally disabled since birth. She is and had been his Rep payee for S.S. and she does pay his bills. She has not one clue of his care needs nor does she bring him to Dr's until it's critical and fatal, in fact she still does not do it my uncle does. When I brought this to other family members attention I was told don't be so Bitter.
I can't believe it I care if my brother and mother die but they all run except for my uncle and I am the Bitter one? There is a way I might go with this and that is Health care directive not financial just health issues, I think I am looking into it now.
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Well my friend/attorney told us it would be good to have and in their case they need too cause none of them don't even have clue what to do....so good luck to them all i will stay on the side line.for this one my brother is in worst shape my dad was in...and my dad didnt want not one oldest one to handle anything of his
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((((((msdiva))))) I remember reading about the horrors you went through. Possibly your sister is worried about the rest of the family turning on her too, as they did on you.
I think you have your answer, as you wrote in the post above.

The main thing is that your brother gets the help he needs. I assume your sis can do this, and it is very good of you to offer to help her, even though you do not want to be on the POA. More than one person on a POA can cause problems.

Do what is good for you.

((((((hugs))))) Joan
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AMEN!!!! jean!!! i can not go thru it again
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LilDebb39, I suspect that you are not familiar with the horrors msdiva's greedy family have subjected her to regarding other caregiving in the past. She has good reason not to want to get into that situation again.
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Honestly, I didn't think you could have two on the POA making decisions. I know you can have others set up in case something happens to the dedicated POA... But not two making decisions.
Your sister obviously trusts you so I would do it. More than anything your brother needs to have a will and trust in place, if possible, if not..I would keep excellent records of what money is spent where.. If they are greedy enough, your family can take you to court to make sure the monies were used properly. It is just easier if you start taking records from the beginning. Good luck
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well its not a strange family its a greed thing is what they want and theres alot of them kind out there ....and if one cant deal with the job then the other can and your right one cant make a decision without the other.,,so yes two will be a good ideal
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Most people think it is a mistake to have more than one person named POA. Having one and a backup is what is typically recommended. When you have 2 people or 3 people they both/all have to agree before anything gets done and that can be a real obstacle to progress.

In any case, you don't want the job so just say No.

(What a strange family you have! How did you turn out so normal?)
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no he appointed my sister but its best to have two.thats what she was asking me to do he said it was ok but the others just flipped about it..but i don't want the job
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It is not up to you or your sister who is your brother's DPOA. It is up to your brother. What does he want?

Frankly, if I were you, I'd just say No. But I don't know the nature of your relationship with this particular brother or with the sister that needs your help. But given how dysfunctional your family is, I sure don't know why you would want to sign on for more grief.
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