I bore eight children and had a very deprived and abusive marriage. My husband died 23 years ago and now an unstable daughter is accusing me of discord between her and her sisters. She sees an enemy behind every simple remark and has called me and sent emails of a vile nature to me though I always loved my children under very hard conditions. Th other sisers have become alienated from me now. I will celebrate no Christmas this year and have just pulled into myself. I feel such shame that these children would treat me this way.

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Sorry for the typo. I meant "clash" with your daughters'.


I have no doubt you're a wonderful woman and did the best you could with what you had back then. Plus, even if a manual had popped out of the uterus along with the babies it's all on-the-job training and the love we try to shower them with is a custom-fit b/c every one of them is so different. So we shouldn't treat them all the same way. As they grow we're expected to become better parents, better persons, and better human beings. Of course we're going to make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we'll be forgiven for them.

I don't think your daughter is mentally ill; and if that were the case the rest of your daughters would be too. She's extremely resentful for reasons that sooner or later will have to be addressed AS A GROUP in which you'll have to face the music. I would, however, leave your son(s) out of it. Their perceptions, experiences, and childhood memories will most likely class with your daughters'.

I apologize if my words have offended you in any way. But as a member of your family it's best if I share what you need to hear

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. The holidays just intensify these issues. Please understand that you have no cause for shame. It sounds as though your daughter may be mentally ill.
Perhaps you can talk with your spiritual adviser to see if he or she can help you put together a few friends/family that are grounded enough for you to have a relationship. One other thing you could do right now if you are healthy enough is to volunteer some time at the senior center or a nursing home. You may make friends who would then become a kind of family.
Take care,

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