People are struggling with the decision of placement or home care.
There are valid reasons for both sides. In some cases home care works out well. Other cases facility placement is the better option.
All situations are unique and should never be lumped into one category.
I made the choice to do home care with my mom and while it wasn’t as difficult early on, later on it became quite a challenge.
Mom had Parkinson’s disease which is progressive and has no cure.
I did not realize how difficult it would be to care for my mom in the latter stages of a disease.
Caring for her became more than I could handle.
It is an emotional and physical roller coaster.
I took care of mom for 20 years, with 15 of those years in my home.
I felt obligated to care for mom because my father asked me to care for her after his death. I promised him that I would. I love my mother and truly wanted to do it.
I don’t think a parent even realizes what they are asking of a child when they request the promise to care for loved ones.
I seriously doubt that my dad would have wanted me to continue to suffer as caregiving became harder. He loved me very much.
My parents never cared for their parents so they did not have any first hand knowledge about caregiving.
I didn’t have a clue as to how hard it would become to care for her in my home.
I wish that I had known about this forum years ago so I could have been warned about the difficulties that would lie ahead.
When parents are living in our home the parent/child relationship changes, becoming complicated and stressful.
I regret having mom live with us. Temporarily would have been fine, permanently was very hard.
I have a feeling DilHagen2 has been through the mill. They are miserable, the caregiver was miserable, etc.
Doesn’t sound like it was a pleasant place to live and work. Wonder how the caregiver spent her day off! I hope she did something nice for herself.
Hopefully, the staff at the assisted living facility will know how to manage her personality issues.
From what I read, this was payment above and beyond room, board and use of a car, so aka live-in help. Room and board with car is nice, but one often needs pocket money. If she was paid for 24hr 6days/week, that's $720/week. Not bad... considering no rent or food to pay for! Wouldn't be my idea of a great job, but many like and/or enjoy it (sounds like this one didn't enjoy it so much as others!)
Good advice!
I am curious. Why did your mom only pay the caregiver $5.00 an hour?
Right, guilt should not play a part in caregiving decisions.
I am glad that your mom will be going to an assisted living facility.
What did you think about your mom’s caregiver? Were you pleased with her care?
It’s a shame that some parents make everyone’s lives miserable. I’m so sorry that all of you struggled with this situation. It’s hard.
Assisted Living is the right choice and I hope it works out well for your mom and your family.
MIL is finally heading to A.L. in a few weeks. It’s been very difficult for the family members. Our split 24 shifts are never enjoyable because of MIL negative personality and dementia rage episodes. MIL extremely difficult.
Care giver told me today this has been the worst care giver job she’s ever had.
If your loved one is able to afford care elsewhere....do it with zero guilt.
Don’t apologize. You are dealing with a lot!
I hope things work out as best they can.
Many hugs!
You have me falling in love with Montana now! 😊
Hey, I like both! Seafood and beef!
In my younger days I dated a vegetarian. I met him at New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. He was friends with some of my friends.
He was gorgeous and very sweet! How he put up with me, I will never know! LOL I ate burgers, roast beef sandwiches in front of him, while he ordered french fries!
He started cooking these great vegetarian meals for us. I couldn’t cook then!
Then he tells me that he was going to become a vegan!
Couldn’t handle it! LOL Stopped dating him.
That’s awesome that you play music together!
Music and food speaks to everyone’s hearts! Keep sharing your love and talent through music!
Yes, I was a Valley Girl! Totally!!
I don't do sea food! I wish I could. It looks so good, but I can't get past the smell. DH loves sea food!!
Montana is all about the beef!!
If ya have a hankering for a great steak , this is the place!
We live in a small town, but still have some wonderful restaurants!
My hubby and I are part of the local music scene. Our band has 6 members. 2 guitars, drums, bass ,
Sax(clarinet, flute& harmonica) and I do lead vocals.
So much fun!!
Really? You grew up in California (near perfect weather) and landed in Montana! Interesting. Montana does look absolutely gorgeous!
You’re right about appreciating all four seasons. My daughter feels that way and that is one of the reasons why she wanted to move to Denver.
I am such a wuss! Hahaha I am so used to a mild winter in the south compared to other areas.
I wish I had been more open minded. My husband had job offers from other areas that I hesitated moving to.
I visited New England but was skeptical to move to Massachusetts when we had the opportunity to go. I kind of regret that now.
I have enjoyed visiting other places. The mountains are breathtakingly beautiful!
I feel the same about the ocean. when visiting California.
We are a coastal area but our scenery is quite different in Louisiana, it’s mainly rivers and lakes. Basically swamp land! Hahaha 🤣
Actually, all places bring their own vibe to the table.
Do you eat seafood? We have fantastic seafood here and great cooks. I love the seafood where you grew up. California has wonderful fish! The produce too. Everything grows there!
What is the food like in Montana? It is interesting how food is a part of the culture and vibe of a region. Music too. I love the music in New Orleans. We have a great music and food scene.
New York has a great vibe as far as food goes! Very international! No matter what a person feels like eating, it’s available in New York. I love that! Variety is the spice of life!
Thanks for the laughs!
Please elaborate on this hummingbird! Hahaha 🤣
I love watching the hummingbirds in my yard. They like my plumbago plants.
I go barefoot at home too! I have never worn slippers. My husband loves his slippers!
I say we meet at Hailey's House. I am willing to remove my shoes. In fact I seldom wear shoes indoors. It's already decorated and sounds like good coffee.
Llama, I also have no idea what kind of surgery you are facing down, but I DO know you will get blue ribbon for getting home quick and safe. Move around as quick as you can, breathe deep and we are all pulling for you.
Another update I would love to have if anyone read anything, how is Bridger's son.
My gorgeous golden peach tree makes me feel I actually live somewhere where the colors change in the trees.
Came here this a.m. thinking there would be more argument, and instead it is full of fun, coffee, and Christmas. What a DELIGHT.
I will be doing war with my Hummingbird today, so wish me well. The Mexican sage must be cut down/ cut back. It is in a 12 foot square and goes all blooms for so much of the year. The hummer farms it constantly. About now its blooms are mostly spent. I hate to take it down to the ground but in a month it will be back lush and happy IF I take it down now. The hummer doesn't seem to get that, and he divebombs me my entire time out there, no matter how drab I dress. If you don't see me again you will know why. He (she?) has been a bit peeved since I read about the dangers of feeders and took his down.
I have a gentle spirit but a rumbunctious taste.
No one is allowed to wear shoes in my home. hahaha
The Christmas Tree. Ahhhhhh gorgeous. Silver and white with a touch of torquise. White snowmen, white churches, white snowflakes silver and white angel wings, white and silver balls. Candles in the windows. Cedar wreaths with red bows and lights on my windows and doors. Absolutely beautiful.
It's beginning to look like Christmas.
Oh, wait. Got to have some pound cake with cream cheese with my coffee.
How about some nice Christmas aroma to set my home off. Maybe some Winter Fir Candles. I like.
My niece is at the beach. In a nice hotel. The kids are playing in the indoor pool. She's relaxing. Ahhhh, living the rich life. I want to go to the beach too. Of course, it is not too far away and it's beautiful there. She used to live in Hawaii.
She doesn't need a condo. She likes a change. Not the same ole same ole boring thing.
I have to confess that I have no idea what kind of surgery you just had.
But I am sending you prayers and positive energy!!
I have the feeling that you are a total survivor!!
You're gonna Rock it!!
NHWM,
We moved to Montana from Colorado.
It's actually warmer here in the valley, then it was near Denver.
I will say that the transition from winter to spring is sketchy!
I base it on my hummingbirds!!
The hummingbirds show up between April 21st and the 25th.
They're steady through September.
This year I saw my last one mid October.
I am a 4 seasons kinda gal!!
Always something new and different to experience!
The snow of winter, the new green of spring, the thunderstorms of Summer and the brilliant colors of Fall!!
Pretty crazy from a native Californian!!
Montana would be amazing to see! That’s not terribly cold. We were chilly today but we have a short winter!
How long does winter last there? Wildlife is stunning. The mountains are so beautiful. I have been to Colorado but not Montana.
I imagine spring would be very pretty there.
Today was 41 degrees. Yes maybe cold depending on where you live.
On the upside, I can look out my picture windows and see the amazing Bitterroot mountains. Snow capped and beautiful!! I Thank God every day that He has blessed me with such an amazing home and hubby!!
Today for the 4th time in 2 weeks, we have had a moose in our yard!! Such an awesome sight!!
It's these simple pleasures that keep me grounded!!
If ya don't like the cold, late spring and summer are wonderful!! I'm flexible!! Lol
😂 LOL!!!
Jodi, Montana is looking better! Alva doesn’t like my idea! 🤣
Montana sounds beautiful but very cold!
As soon as covid restrictions are a thing of the past, I will plan a trip to the Bay area of Ca to visit my sweet Aunt!!
Maybe we could plan a reunion!! Lol.
I love the idea of meeting so many of you face to face!!
P.S. I have room for 9 if ya'll want to come to Montana!!☺
As to all meeting at Alva's house? She's a total recluse. Likely she lives in a CAVE somewhere. Last I heard is that on another site she is known as "Rattlerwoman" and is partial to Mohave's because their venom is neuro toxic, hence difficult to reverse. I hear she lives in a trailer in the middle of the Mohave desert.
I wouldn't trust Alva as far as you can thrown her; she eats too many potato chips, so likely you cannot throw her far. Just sayin.....
It is also said of her that she is a W......................................wait. Let's don't go there! hee hee. Wouldn't want to have to call in the Marshall.
Glad we can still have fun given this 2020 has been a bit trying.
You’re speaking my language. I am a coffee junkie!
That would be fun.
We need an agingcare reunion.
I vote for Alva’s place. I adore California weather! Maybe Lealonnie’s place. My daughter is loving Denver!
We have to wait for Covid to end.
I live in a great city when it isn’t Covid, Most people hate our humidity, but we do have great coffee!
Alva, I used to go to Peet’s coffee in San Francisco. It’s very good!
Thanks so much for making me giggle!!
We all need a good giggle these days!!
NHWM, your post has been so amazing!!
Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful heart!!
I truly wish I could just sit down with you over a cup of coffee!!
Cancer is so scary!! It gets in your head!! Psychologically!!
Although my cancer diagnosis has not been nearly as traumatic as your DH, I can tell you that it hangs over my head like a dark cloud!!
You're hubby is blessed to have you!! And you're doing an amazing job!!
😘
Thanks, will check it out!
https://www.watermarkcommunities.com/bts/
My husband woke me last night up holding his mid section and was doubled over in pain!
He tells me, “I am really hurting and you have to drive me to the hospital.”
My husband never complains. He doesn’t whine. So I knew that he was in pain.
The first thing the nurse in triage tells us is, “There are active Covid cases so please keep your masks on at all times.”
He gets a room in the ER. They do a scan, blood in urine. It’s kidney stones.
We ask if he can make it to his radiation treatment for his cancer. He had to be there at 7:30. It was around 6:00 by this time.
I asked if he could skip radiation for today. The doctor said, “No skipping radiation.” So we had to go straight from ER to his oncologist for radiation.
The nurse comes in with discharge papers and instructions.
She says, “I used to tell all my patients to drink a six pack of beer to pee a lot to pass the kidney stones but the doctor said that I couldn’t tell patients to mix beer with pain meds!” So now I tell patients to drink water with lemon in it. She told my husband that when women experience severe pain, they produce a baby but he will hear a ‘ping’ in the toilet and that will be his stone!
LOL I cracked up at her comment! She was adorable! It really does help to laugh.
I guess it boils down to the fact that there are people who don't simply "have" but also "are". When I was a freshman in college (50 years ago!), someone had written a comment along these lines on the bathroom wall about one of the people in the dorm hall (I won't repeat it here), and it rather fit that person's personality.
I hope someone will point it out to me if I go beyond the "have" stage in the way I treat people who are only trying to do the best they can!