Of the lost remote, power chair batteries not charged for his "boozemobile" which he is 2 blks from the liquor store, and at 83 he's not going to change. He stopped physical therapy and can't walk more than 1 step, and even doing that he's very unstable.
I don't want to be mean and nag all the time, but even having him take his meds which will help balance, etc he'll only take it the days I'm there. I work every other day, because if I did take two days off in a row, his apt. would be a minagerie. I need a vacation and covid doesn't make that easy!

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You sound exhausted. It’s normal. Go ahead and vent.

Hope you get a vacation soon. Sometimes that is exactly what is needed, a totally new setting in a different area with no memories of the unpleasantness!

Cherie, the short-term solution is a respite for you or a change in schedule. But IMO you need a long-term solution because your father will only get worse, not better. He is rigid, resistant and unteachable at this point and once he has a profound health event he will go downhill extremely fast and you won't be able to keep up with his medical, hygiene, and basic management needs of his banking, SS, Medicare, etc. Is he paying you to care for him? I surely hope so and more than minimum wage.

The caregiving arrangement only works if it works for both parties. It's not working for you even if you do get a temporary respite. I chuckled when I read the part about losing the remote. My inlaws either lost or deprogrammed their remote every other day. My sons were their tech guys. But it became exhausting and we transitioned them into facilities because we were losing our lives and our minds on the erroneous thought that keeping them in their homes was "best" for them. Now my MIL is in LTC and is social with the staff and is taken to inside facility events and never loses her remote. She doesn't get out of bed. But at least we're no longer exhausted and have stopped worrying about her not eating, not taking her meds, etc. Please consider that you may have a co-dependent relationship on your alcoholic father. Alva's suggestion of Al Anon is a wise one. I hope you'll go to 1 meeting and check it out for yourself. I wish you all the best for your future moving forward for yourself.

I am so sorry it is continuing to be so very difficult for you. Have you tried Al-Anon? They are a great help with accepting that first part of your "expect the worst" equation. They aren't great on hope "for the other" but they are good at hope for understanding your own choices as you attempt to negotiate the world of the alcoholic. And they have such a good resource network.
It sounds as though the balance and immobility issues are going to be self-limiting in Dad's case. I doubt medication will be an answer. I wonder if the pressure of knowing he may soon need to enter full time care may not be added pressure for you?
Sounds as though you are needing to vent, and this is a good place to do that, because others who are attempting such full time care will understand you on such a deep level. I never had to do it; doubt I could have; know my own limitations in that regard.
Wishing you luck, Cherie. Start a diary of dream vacations. Decorate it with collage. (Or would that only make it worse?!)

Maybe if you change your expectations: prepare for the worst and expect the best.

Also just acknowledging the truth of the situation is immensely helpful.

Do you have to go over so often? Propping him up only prolongs the charade of independence and maybe he needs to see the reality of what his life really looks like without you. Just a thought.

Please find a way to decompress for your own health. I understand needing a vacation in the worse way, I think just a nature walk would shift the weight you and I and probably many others are feeling. May you find a way that helps you feel better.

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