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It may seem like a simple question at first, but depending on individual circumstances it can be a very complex situation.
I lived with a mixed bag of emotions in my caregiver days.
I often felt like I only existed too. I believe it was a safety net for me, because if I allowed myself to feel intensely, anxiety and depression would take over.
I felt deeply isolated as well until I decided to reach out for help.
So, you have taken the first positive step by reaching out to this forum.
Many people here are going through or have gone through similar circumstances.
I recommend seeking out a therapist if you feel that you need further insight to your situation. I found therapy to be very helpful.
Try to find time for yourself as much as possible.
I realize there are days that it seems impossible to get a moment for yourself.
I placed so much emphasis on my mom that I neglected my own needs.
Contact a social worker. See what is available to assist you during this difficult challenge. Ask about facilities that are available in your area.
Transitional times are always the toughest. Once you make a plan, you will no longer be living with uncertainty.
Reach out especially to those posters that have placed their family members in facilities.
Use the private message feature to do this. They can walk you through it and you can express your concerns to them.
Best wishes to you.
I know it's hard with the pandemic, but do you meet up with friends?
I just went back to a regular exercise class & I look forward to the chat & always feel good afterwards.
Sometimes adding more activities can help. Sometimes they are tiny bandaids trying to cover a huge wound (heartbreak, grief, depression).
Do you think more activities, social stuff would help you?
My mom passed away in 2012, about the time my step mother's health began to decline. I found her a lovely independent living community which she enjoyed. She started getting confused with her meds, and suffering from terrible arthritis pain in her spine. It became my responsibility to take her to her doctor's appointments, grocery store, clothes shopping, picking up meds, etc. Again, no real help from either sister; just lots of snide comments that I was ingratiating myself to her so I would get a larger inheritance. (A long sad story for another day). On 2016, on her 90th birthday, she fell and broke her left hip. It all started going down hill from there. As I had retired in 2012, she felt it totally reasonable to call me for every need. After she got out of rehab, I arranged for home health to come 3 days a week to help her bathe, dress, set up her meds, etc
In 2018, she fell on July 4th and broke her right hip and arm. After rehab, I moved her into an assisted living facility where she passed away on Dec 31, 2018.
Looking back, I realize that it was during this time span, 2012 onwards, that my husband was exhibiting signs of dementia. He started using the word "thing" instead of nouns when he was talking. He would do weird things, like take a crowbar to the front door that sticks when it rains, instead of sanding down the offending corner. He got lost going to the grocery store, a store he'd been going to for 20 years.
Now my husband has been diagnosed with dementia. At first I was so angry; angry that this f*ing disease is stealing the love of my life, my best friend, my strongest supporter and my harshest critic. Then I felt so sorry for myself; my life has stopped; no more quilting retreats with my friends, no trips to Austin to visit nieces, nephews and their adorable kids. I felt i must have had a huge Karmic debt to work off.
Now, I've gotten to acceptance. It is what it is. It's not my fault this happened. My life will continue on, I'll be able to do things I used to do, someday.
I do have a wonderful caregiver for him, and that helps, and I am fortunate that my scrimping and saving over the past 40 years so we could travel when I retired means we have the resources for full time care givers and or MC when the time comes. The day I dread more than anything.
Thanks to all of you who post here and to the wonderful people who developed this site. You've helped me more than you can know.
Good luck!