"Everything will be equal," my parents said, but...

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All my siblings live out of state. They rarely visit. When they do visit, they either write themselves a check (Sis who is the POA) for their travel expenses, or before they even make a date to visit, they complain about how their jobs are not doing well, they need a new roof, etc "hint-hint" implying that they need money from Parents in order to come for a visit.
I live nearby, and always On-Call 24/7 for them, to take care of household issues, doctor visits, sudden ice cream cravings, etc. But I am never paid, once in awhile for a longer car trip they have given me $5.00 bill "for gas money."
Dad has dementia now, but in talking with Mom about how "un-equal" this feels to me, she seems to understand, but says the out-of-town siblings would never visit if they weren't paid.
My spouse is sick and tired of this "un-equal" system, and has greatly reduced what he is doing (no more midnight plumbing fixes, mouse-trap emptying, etc).
Mom has noticed that spouse is doing less and less. I tried to say, we're sort of tired of how "un-equal" things are.
My point is, if the other kids are getting thousands of dollars once a year to visit (on THEIR schedule) I would like to be paid for all my "travel" expenses for when it is not even MY schedule, it's when my parents WANT me to do something, whatever THEY want.
I feel like I'm a slave to their whims, and the siblings are treated like Royalty!
P.s. my spouse says, we can't be paid because of possible Medicaid lookback; but if that is true, wouldn't my siblings already be in trouble?

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Pstern, I am so sorry to hear you're having issues after all you've done. I hope you have everything well-documented. I bet the other sibling does not have any proof of what they claim.
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Often wills and trusts leave everything to children equally but as health issues arise, needs increase, and only one child steps up, they get changed. I was the child that helped out and now I'm dealing with a sibling who believes that the thousands of dollars our father saved in caregiving costs was done in exchange for free room and board. Now we're going to court as he attempts to overturn our father's changes.
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You should get POA now.
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ladeeM - I've been off the forum for awhile - my grandchildren are here visiting. I've just been catching up. I don't actually read all the threads, so I've probably missed a lot of what she's posted. I pick those that sound interesting to me. I'm not on here everyday even when my grandkids aren't here, but I'll usually pop in once in the morning, see if there's anything that looks interesting to me, then go on to my other interests.

This past week I took my Mom and grandkids over to San Diego for a 6 day vacation. Just got back yesterday, which is when I started catching up on things. I had my laptop over there, but we were so busy that I had barely time to check my email. I might have looked at a couple of things briefly, but little more than that. That's why I didn't speak up before - I didn't notice before.

And really, ladee, all I'm concerned about is that we don't get a mob mentality, like you said. I'd hate to see that happen here. Because this place is, after all, supposed to be about caring and support. Thanks.
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eguillot, that was me about the 'chatter'.... but if you will notice, even after I said what I did to Dusty... further down I also talked about us not becoming the AC police or getting a mob mentality..... got no 'likes' for that one.. lol.... but ASSA and I did have a conversation about it.....she is one of my friends on AC.... and that day I laughed more than I have in a long time... so guess I am looking at the positives that come from that thread......

So how about we 'agree to disagree' on how it was done...... Just as Dusty had the right to have her say, so did I, and the others that participated..... to me, its over and done with..... and may I ask you a question... if you felt Dusty was being treated unfairly, why did you not speak up before and give us a different perspective..... just askin......
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I saw on one of the other threads that I just finished reading that one of you (can't remember who) also had some concerns about too much chatter going on about Dusty's shortcomings chasing people off the site. One comment from Dusty about her ultra religious beliefs, no matter how harsh, wouldn't take me back nearly as much as the dozens I've seen slamming her for it. No, I don't like that sort of comment, but I also don't like attempts to shut people down/out.

It's clear Dusty has some sort of a problem. Whether it's alcohol related or not, who knows, but obviously there is an issue. I don't know the best way to handle it , but I don't think drawing attention to it by jumping on every little thing is the right way to go. Probably comment on her good comments, ignore her bad ones. Just like with kids - kids will go for negative attention if they can't get positive attention. If she's jumped on when she makes positive comments, she'll just make all negative ones.

I'm not the religious sort (sorry if I offend anyone with that), so all the praying or chanting or amen'ing that someone wants to do - well - good for them, but please, leave me out of it :)

I appreciate the welcome I've received here. I've always felt that I can come here after a bad day and vent, or ask for advice, or just post my experiences to try to help someone else out. My Mom isn't as bad off as a lot of others are right now (I've been caregiving for 3 years so far) but I know my day is coming. Even though I don't have a lot to do, it gets wearing just being with someone 24/7. Mom can't drive, can't cook anything more than an egg, needs a walker, can't stand more than 5 or 10 minutes without pain, and has mild cognitive decline which is really starting to show itself lately.
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Pftttttttt.......LOL!
Now THAT makes sense!
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eguillot..... Dusty posted that she was leaving this 'pagan site' , among many other comments... she was leaving anyway.... so what is the real issue here???? I certainly hope you do not take this one situation and let it be a decision maker for whether or not you want to stay ,learn, vent, get support, and all that this site offers..... there are thousands of us here.... with much more going on than whether or not Dusty was offended, because she is accountable for brining it on herself....

And yes, some of us went behind her and said to not pay any attention to her.... as she was running people off of the site..... she was confusing many and hurting some..... what would you have suggested we do??? This is a site for Caregivers, and God knows some of us are 'mentally ill'. LOL....and I reached out to her one-on-one and got no reply...... We are a caregiver site, we do not have the medical experiences to pull a bi-polar off the walls.... so enlighten us, tell us how you would have handled Dusty.... this being AFTER you back and read all she has written.....

I can not believe Dusty is STILL causing problems here.... pfttttt....
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eguillot, sorry if you feel Dusty was being cyber-bullied.... that is not the case at all.... and if you went on the read the rest of the thread, you will see that most of us went on to share some good information on many subjects.... and had fun at our expense.... i.e. "Jennifer Aniston and Willie Nelson"... none of us hate Dusty, and we do hope she finds help or what ever it is she needs..... but the truth..... she made herself a target with her first post... and I agree with many here, there were times she shared some great stuff.... and we supported that....

I have been on here many years.... and while I did feel bad for her and her issues... what ever those were.... we are not ok with being 'preached' to, many of us refer to God, HIgherpower, the Universe...... but we are NOT condemning each other with our words.....

We are very protective of our 'safe place' and when the boundaries are stomped on.... we respond...many of us are praying for Dusty and wishing her well.....
So with all that being said.... I do hope you continue to find a 'home' here.... things just got off to a bad start... no harm, no foul..... you are welcome here, and we hope to get to know you better.... I have some awesome friends here... and I'm sure they don't always like what I have to say, but if I am not putting others down or telling lies, they are going to let me learn what I need to learn.... so like I said, I hope you continue to be a part of this crazy, tired family....crazy in a good way !!!!
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Boni - I didn't jump all over any of you. I haven't said anyone shouldn't listen to you, or that you should leave the forum, or that you're a troll. I haven't said any of those things about you. I haven't done any name calling. Has Dusty? Have you? The FACTS, as I see in this thread, are that someone got dissed because they suggested something.

Perhaps she does go off topic and raves - maybe she has a mental issue - who knows. But attacking her for making an innocuous comment is not going to do any good. Just because she made some weird comments before doesn't mean you attack all her comments. What's up with that? That makes no sense.
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