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Oh goodness. So hospice aide called me. Mom's hands and feet are mottled. And I know what that means. I also know it can fluctuate.


She may be having a rally. Actually got out of bed, with great assistance and sat in chair. Spoon fed and ate 50 percent of meal.


Hospice also put her on scopolomine to increase secretions, in this case, swallowing.


Her vital signs do not yet show active phase of dying. I am sorry if this graphic description upsets anyone, but in my view, it helps with expectations. So take in that vein.


We could not be more pleased with our hospice choice. They are so caring and so tender with our mom. And we are thankful.

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Just a PSA. Here. Make funeral arrangements while your LO still alive. Guilt can do funny things. So while clear headed -- As much as possible, do the task. We did in January.
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Let me expound on no CBD cream. They said your intent honorable by your call. We know that.

Heres the prob. Her skin is equivalent of cheapest toilet paper made. Any rubbing could cause significant issues. It might make you feel better, but won't do any thing for her. She is in so much hydro codons now.

And reality note on that front. When they attempt to reposition her, despite all of this hydrocodone, she grimaced and moans. So morphine on the soon horizon. My sib and I are good with.
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That’s interesting Seg! I don’t think my MILs hospice paperwork had that clause? My SIL started giving her mucinex thinking it would help her cough (horrible gut wrenching coughing is one of the terrible things that comes along with pulmonary fibrosis, I tell you one day she started coughing so bad it sent me in to a panic and I nearly called 911, I legit thought she was about to die, that she couldn’t breath at all and that’s why she was like....screaming and coughing at the same time). Anyway....hospice was aware of it and they didn’t discontinue their services.

you must use good CBD products. I naturally assumed that the dispensaries would carry good stuff since weed is legal in this state. But apparently not because the stuff they sell, it takes weeks to get enough in your system to where you feel the affects.
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Interesting. I happened to remember a line in hospice contract wherein it said, you introduce your own treatments, we will end our relationship with you.
So. No Cbd cream.
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My sis and I both use CBD CREAM. We got relief the day we bought. And I thought it was woo.
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Seg, I don’t know if this is true but I was told that it takes about 4 weeks for CBD creams to make a difference. The friend I mentioned earlier who had shingles & refused to take opioids tried CBD cream from a dispensary and it was basically a waste of money. She needed tinuse t about 4 weeks for the affects to begin. By that time her shingles was already gone. But this for pain management and I think your moms pain is under control right? You want the CBD cream to heal her skin?

It does sound like your mother could be rallying! My MIL actually ate a few big meals in her final weeks, she would go days where she only took a few bites and then one day she asked for a KFC pot pie & ate the whole thing! Following week she ate a big breakfast!
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I am having my cousin go get CBD cream and rub gently on shoulders and neck I will reimburse. My cousin is a biochemist. And on it as soon as they open.
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I know this could be late stage rally. But I will take it
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Holy cow. My cousin who has flown in and there now just let me know my mom ate actual food! Can't feed herself, and did not eat much, but ate protein. Ate veggies. Prob a quarter cup of each. But my god. Best news in a MONTH.



Mama you are a crafty girl. And you, Madame will bear watching. This is so going to help with skin breakdown!!
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So question. Do you think CBD cream might be better since emolient heavy? Weighing against oils.

And seriously, once their skin starts to break down you have to be so careful, particularly over any bony prominence. Knees. Shoulders. Elbows, etc.and of course, that is where they hurt. Our mom has a second Kennedy ulcer on elbow.
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I am going to check out those oils suggested. But you have to be so careful once their skin starts to break down.

But thank you so much for sharing this. And I did not smell anything today. Hospice nurse had already been there and called while we were on our way there. Special bandage ordered and delivered and applied.
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Kinda weird day today. As I shared, we took our mom off all meds except for pain and anxiety hospice providing.

This morning, she actually told aides she needed to,use bathroom.so as this other stuff clears her system,she is still somewhere in there.

We know there is not going to be Lazarus here, but kinda interesting. 10 days ago while still on all this med routine, she would not have indicated that urge. Now, she certainly does not get to bathroom on own steam. But.

She is also drinking better. When we first saw her, she told my sister, you have the most beautiful smile, which really got to my sibling, who said thank you. My parents paid for it.
And she tried to wink at me.

Now she is on a shit ton of pain and anxiety meds, so zones out quite a bit. And wants to sleep. But since taking her off all,of these other meds, she is lucid in a different way. Not anything earth shattering,but different.

She is not in pain. Her hands and feet are starting to curl. And they are very cool to the touch. But we had a good day, considering.
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Sego, not trying to hijack your thread, this applies to you as well, Gershun if you can handle the smell of peppermint, a good essential oil is great to hold in your hand near your face and wave under your nose to keep the smells from causing nausea. I am hypersensitive to odors and I have found that works wonders and I don't get that lingering smell memory when I use it, also, no headaches which is a plus. Not to mention how great a drop or two rubbed on your shoulders helps sooth tension. A mixture of lavender and peppermint is also a nice fragrance that can mask odors that are unpleasant. Relaxing as well. This to can be rubbed on for tension relief.

Sego,
Kudos for smelling that gas and being persistent. That averted a tragedy for sure.

We were told that a kitty litter box under the bed with my sister would go a long way in absorbing the odors created by a dying body. We also opened windows when is was feasible to replace the air that grows heavy.

I hope that you have a peaceful day and share some happy moments with your mom and loved ones.
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https://www.google.com/search?q=synesthesia&oq=syne&aqs=chrome.2.69i57j0l3.3505j0j4&client=ms-android-samsung-ss&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

Read about synesthesia. I think it's what several of you are talking about. It's a real gift!
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((hugs)) Segoline

Occasionally I thought mom's breath had a weird chemical smell for several weeks before she passed on, and there was definitely a different odour as she lay dying. Nobody mentioned it, but then neither did I.

And Gershun, I was relieved that the nurses at the nursing home had been through this many times before, but nobody took the time to explain to us what was happening, if I hadn't read all the end of life literature I could find I wouldn't have known. You get a phone call at 3 a.m. that they see mottling - uh, it's obvious that's bad or they wouldn't be calling but I only knew what it was because I had educated myself.
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Its good to have a distraction from heavy events that progress slowly.

Mthr was a hoarder and I can't stand the smell of stuffy, book fungus infested papers. If I receive one, I have to make a copy and put the original in a ziplock bag before trashing it. It triggers those emotions as well.

You might want to get a stinky candle in a smell you don't like to put at your mother's bedside. Perhaps you can avoid the emotional attachment to the smells of hospice and death by connecting the candle with it instead.
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I don't know about you guys, but I think the smell detour is good, really.
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More smell fun. Each time my mom about to go off, I would smell burning tires. No one. No one else could smell but me. It heralded nutso.
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Tell you something. My bloodhound sniffer has come in handy. About 8 years ago at My mom's house, I kept smelling gas. I checked her stuff. Had gas company check. No one but me could smell. I kept calling because i kept smelling. Holy cow. Whole hood cordoned off, fire trucks everywhere. There was a gas leak.
So being nutty sniffer has its points.
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Gershun. I hope to reply to you privately.
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I have a heightened sense of smell as well. In fact had to leave the hospital room many times when I was visiting mom cause I felt nauseated (because of the smells)

My brother is in hospital now and I have to hold my hand over my mouth and nose while I'm there.

Segoline, thx for asking. My mom died four years ago May 9th. I'm okay although I was taking an antidepressant the last four years and am now weaning myself off of it. A lot of feelings that I repressed are rearing their ugly heads. At the time I thought taking an SSRI was a good idea and would help with the grief. Now I'm second guessing that whole idea cause I wake up every morning now feeling really depressed and grieving my mom like it just happened yesterday. I think I should have just let myself feel the feelings while it was happening. Ah well, too late now.
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@ surprise I have worn same perfume for 3 decades. Clinique aromatique elixir.,I have had attorneys I work with, ask, what is is your perfume? Told them. They bought. Come back and say it doesn't smell like this on,my wife.

*stuffs pheromones in couch.
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@surprise

Oh my gosh thank you. I was in the gifted but weird class. Your post has made me feel so much better. If possible, lol.
It's actually a curse in many ways.numbers as colors,yes. Feelings as colors,yes.

Thank you so much.
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Seg, about the smells. It's not just in schizophrenia. I work with (and have myself) a large number of brilliant kids- not just smart, but the gifted among the gifted. Hypersensitivity is one of the behaviors that is common. For example, we hear lights and electric sockets. Some see numbers as colors. Lots can't stand certain textures of clothing, and hating neck labels has to be widespread!

I have the super sensitive sniffer too. Smells trigger my asthma so I am very quick to remove myself from a slight odor. Perfumes, flowers, some magazines all set me off with migraines depending on the intensity of the smell. All the while my husband sniffs the air and smells nothing! It's amazing to find someone else with this in common. We too sniffed mthr's memory care before she moved in, and we declined the plug in for her room.
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Seg, answering your prolife question. My son is a scholar and joined the Catholic Church because he felt they had the most thought out theology. When I put mother on hospice, I asked him to find out the official stance - I really did not want to have to argue with him about it later. He found in dusty, dry books that they believe there is a time when there is no turning back from death, and to be merciful to that person is a positive (relieving their pain, not killing them); that if you were trying to relieve pain and the side effect is a shorter lifespan, that was an unfortunate side effect of the mercy shown but ok. The point is that causing death cannot be the reason to give a drug.
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So i have spent an enormous amount of time reading about it, smell.

Out of five peeps,I was only one who could smell a smell with my mom. So I read a buncha stuff today. You are at risk for depression. Yah, since I was 12. Thank you author.

You might have schizophrenia if you are only one who can smell something. Intellectually i know this is not true. I do have and always have had, a heightened sense of smell. It was one of main factors in determining a placement for our mom. I've always had this.

Does anyone else have this?
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@Gershun, aw it's ok. We have dealt with communication issues too. Don't beat yourself up over it. I know easy for me to say., I know that. And remind me of those words later.

It is so nice to hear from you. Are you ok?
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@ @worriedincali

You are good baybee. More than good. Dark thought stuff, no biggie. I am ok. Really I am. I am glad I can override my sister. The relatives who have flown in are good with. I don't make my sister out to be a villain. But we have all had crash course in a kennedy terminal ulcer.
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I wish I could say my experience when my mom died was peaceful. Mind you, we didn't use hospice. My mom was in palliative care at the hospital.

The staff there were very poor communicators. Depending on who was on shift I'd get differing information. I found myself very angry on top of the grief I was feeling. If moving her had been less invasive to her well being I would have done it in a heartbeat.

I was not with her when she passed even though that had been my plan. The one day I left early was the day she chose to leave. That happens often, so I've been told.

What got me was how ignorant the nurses were. I was at the nurses station discussing removal of mom's body to the morgue when a nurse came running over saying "is she not breathing?" Like I said, no communication there.

I found myself having to explain things to the nurses that they should have been explaining to me. Anyway, I pray that all of you have peaceful experiences when you lose your loved ones.

All the best to you Segoline.
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Segoline, my messages are back on, message me anytime! I had turned them off the other day because I said something someone didn’t like and they decided to attack me privately.

Thank you for sharing that Stacey. Very poignant like seg said. I wish I had known what I know now-that these terminal ulcers are not preventable. I still feel guilt over my MILs. I thought we failed her & her partner. First I blamed her partner, assumed he wasn’t turning & moving her, that he was keeping her in the same position 24/7. Then I blamed us all for not helping enough, for not helping him. At the time none of us were aware just how much care she required and how much he was doing for her. Truth is, he really didn’t want our hands on help & we respected that but I will always feel guilty for not being more persistent & going over there more during the day to give him respite. She still would have gotten that damn ulcer and she still would have left us but......I just wish I knew then, what I know now. I would have approached things differently.

Sorry to hijack your post Seg. I hope my comments about your “dark thoughts” didn’t offend you, I am truly sorry if I did. I don’t think your thoughts are dark at all, poor choice of words! Just meant talking about end of life may be a dark subject and bring upon thoughts that some might consider dark. I don’t think it’s a dark subject or thoughts of it are dark, it is all part of life.
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