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I don't know where I'll post this---



YB (executor) called me Friday night and said that mom's estate was all settled and he was going to cut the checks to the family. (5 of us living).



I had always maintained that I would not accept my 'portion' of mom's estate, for many reasons, and the main one being that I irritated the heck out of her--(no I do not feel guilty about that, we just were like oil and water)--and my YB with whom she lived basically gave up his life for the last 25 years (the last 5 being VERY stressful)...and he deserved ALL the $$.



I did know the estate was small-ish, but that wouldn't have changed my mind. YB told me the amount, split into 5, and I said "Give all of mine to R".



YB 'kind of' argued with me, and in the end I took about $2K, which he said wasn't even going to begin to 'make me whole' as I did spend a great deal of time caring for her. (I know, that's NOT what inheritances are about, but he insisted). He said "Well, how much have you spent on therapy?" Ah, ok. MANY thousands of dollars!



I have the check sitting in my office. I feel kind of sick to my stomach about cashing it. I may just donate it somewhere. It certainly did not bring me any joy nor any sense of closure. Weird.



So YB, the CG, got a substantial amount of money (both OS and YB gave her their portion, same as I did, on YS kept all of hers)--and this will help him a great deal. THAT does bring me joy and I hope it makes him and his family feel more 'whole'.



All is done now, and I'm watching as my sibs and I kind of split up and go our own ways. We're tied together forever 'cause that's what families are--but we will not be super close.



Don't anyone think I am some kind of angel in this. I just did the right thing, in this situation. All my life mom held that 'inheritance' thing over my head and I am glad it's OVER.



I guess I was more burnt out than I thought.

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Sometimes the end of a Era is good -You Can heal Now and Move forward . my Mom Passed 6 years ago she had dementia -No One helped . Then My brother got seriously ill and he Passed .My Dad Has been taken by My sister its all about the Money .In a way It will be a relief when My Dad Passes and I never have to speak to her again . Too Much drama and head games - I Really Have Lost all respect for My sister . Its funny because I read that pretty Much all the siblings go their separate ways after the Parents Pass .
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I appreciate your comments.

I just recently, anonymously, sent YB and his wife $1500 to get through the holidays as the estate had not been liquidated. They do not 'go out' to dinner, movies, ever. They are real homebodies and they don't 'need' anything but $$.

I will deal with the fact that my mom never was able to really love me, she was very jealous of the fact that I was my dad's 'favorite child'. I didn't feel that as a child, but now as a more aware adult, I can see why that would have bothered mom.

I was NAMED for my sweet dad's equally sweet mom. THAT is my inheritance. 3 of MY grands are all named for her, too. (Or for me, if I were to think like that).

Forgiveness and peace will come.
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I think you made the right choice. Do whatever you feel is best with the money.

You didn’t desire to receive any funds, so you’re not going to miss having the money. It’s a shame that your mom didn’t appreciate you.

You could buy your brother a special birthday gift or purchase a special anniversary present for YB and his wife.

I am so happy for your brother and sister and law that they are finally able to live their lives together without having the responsibility of being your mom’s caregiver.
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You did what brought you healing and peace, always the right choice. We’re in the same boat as far as now being in a place of a distant relationship with our siblings, that also becomes something to make peace with, I’m mostly there and you’ll do the same with some time. Wishing you the best, you’ve done well
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The will was written 20 years ago when daddy was still alive. Mom made some changes to it, but didn't bother to have them notarized and they were, evidently, changes that required a notary's signature.

Trusting my YB who managed the estate--no stress on any of us. He said it wasn't hard and that the few things that Mom had handwritten and included were simply destroyed. (I know for a fact at one point she actually had written in the will that she wanted me to pay the estate pre-disbursement $2000 and my YB (with whom she LIVED) $6000. No idea what for.)

Asking my son, who is an attorney if this was 'legal' and he said "This is called a posthumous FU. It's a very hurtful way to 'get back' at someone. Unless it was notarized, it wouldn't do anything but hurt feeleings." My YB never knew of this 'bill' and he never will.

This experience taught me the lesson that wills/trusts are NOT the place to put in the final 'dig' at somebody.

***
I don't talk a lot about my daddy. He was probably the only person on earth whom I knew loved me unconditionally.
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Good on you, Mid. You did the right thing. I pray that The Lord gives you peace and comfort as you close the door on this particular part of your grieving process.
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You did the right thing and you can now move forward in peace, and that my dear is PRICELESS!
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Well done!
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I had an uncle that cut our cousin out of his will and left his entire estate to my side of the family. It was totally unexpected, I felt terrible and would have split the money with cousin but uncle named his lawyer as executor and he divided everything exactly the way it was written (after taking his cut of course). I've since come to peace with that because I figure that even if it wasn't clear to me there were reasons behind uncle's choice and he was fully rational and knew what he was doing. So whether you gift your brother or use the money for yourself or maybe tuck it away for the grand kids, do so without guilt - it's not that you earned it, rather it's the way your mother wanted it that way (and maybe your father too? I don't think you have ever mentioned him)
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