As you all know , I am going through hell ( join the club , right?) My mind KNOWS, I need to end the abuse and torture I am recieving from a alzheimers enraged,denial clinging mother. But my ( stupid) heart ....seems to keep saying just take it. I know that this emotional turmoil will slowly kill me...I know she needs better care than what I can give her. I know that if I can manage to movemy feet and get her into a assisted care/nursing home SHE just maybe be happy in the long run...and I certainly know I will be!
So WTF!( SORRY) IS WRONG WITH ME!?
Why can I say enough already, and care enough about me and do something.
I think its because I am used to seeing her take abuse from my dad, and putting up with his behavior for years...so I am repeating it.
A friend says I have tremendous guilt, that I think a nursing home is a bad thing... and maybe that is true...but a lot of it is that I am alone and lost....and just cant seem to find my way out of the jungle. I wish I had someone to take me by the hand ( literally) and lead me the way I must go. I dont.... AND I NEED TO SNAP OUT OF THIS....I NEED TO GET UNSTUCK.