My 90 year old father is the primary caregiver for my 88 year old Mom with Alzheimer's. She's probably late moderate stage but is progress toward early late stage. I am 700 miles away(I do talk to them EVERY day, monitor mom's meds from here & am in touch with her doctor) & there are only a limited nr. of friends & family who could respond to the immediate needs of Mom's in emergency.
For example, if my father fell or passed out, I'd hope that Mom could dial 911. Let's say she did and the EMTs are there attending to him. I've been told that EMTs in general don't have the time to help someone like my mom.
- Mom needs to contact someone to come to her. Will she remember which number to dial? What if they aren't there? We're thinking of a 'emergency alert system' but Mom doesn't even wear the MedicAlert necklace I got her
- Let's say Mom gets someone to come to her, I think if I identify these people, I can make a checklist of who THEY should call. First problem is that the number of friends and relatives near them is very limited but I have a cousin who can take care of getting mom's meds to her; she couldn't do that by herself. This cousin, however, has her own 94 year old mother to take care of.
- I'm thinking that we need an in-home service to come in until my brother, husband and I could get there (or any combination). The agencies I called so far want a day or 2 notice. My father also won't agree to allow an agency to come in to do an assessment. I'm sure he's afraid that a professional will see what the situation is and will want to have her put on a nursing home.
- OK, let's say that I find an agency who would come wo. that much notice. Mom would need 24/7 care in that situation. I know that agency in-home care can cost as much as $20 an hour which is $480/day or $14,400 per month! My parents cannot afford that.
- I contacted an assisted living facility near them but they couldn't take her unless 1) they have a bed; 2) she has to be assessed by a doc and the facility within 72 hours of the admission.
I'll stop there. I do know that if Dad dies before Mom, Mom will have to go to a facility. If Dad is out of the house for more than a few weeks, she could go to respite care but I believe that she'd get so bad that she'd have to stay in a facility.
Can you brainstorm with me about each of these ideas? My parents funds are really limited as are the family/friends. I could get there in a day probably w. my husband. However, one of us would have to be at the hospital tending to my dad's needs.
BTW, the Dad is not cooperating with any planning I do. I finally figured out why. For one thing, he has never been one to plan. Life happens TO him. Also, he and his 9 brothers and sisters grew up on a farm with their grandparents, Mom and Dad. When they go sick and were dying, they just took care of everyone at home. He has no model for modern aging care. Plus, he has no experience with what options are out there and he gets VERY overwhelmed. I've forged ahead myself with planning since I'll be the one who would have to go in and pick up the pieces.
Thanks all for your help.