My granddaughter celebrated her 21 birthday. We met her and her family and male friend for dinner. It was delightful till my husband asked them 50 times how they met. Shook the hand of the fellow, a million times, and told him how happy he was that she had someone in her life who could appreciate her. She has CP and is extremely sensitive. The fellow was very polite and answered his question each time, shook his hand and smiled each time and my granddaughter wanted to crawl under the table. I know it is not my husband's fault. He was not mean... I am not sure how to handle this. It happens all the time. I guess it is normal. Do I warn people before a social even Or shut up and let them deal with it? It is sad...many times people walk away from him. It is isolating for him and I am sure it is socially devastating. There r times that he experiences weakness I his legs and after dinner we existed the restaurant and he had to lean on me. I am sure he looked drunk.
People get sick. They have symptoms. Life is not perfect. Accept your husband for who he is right now. Inform family beforehand that he may repeat himself. If they are mortified , it's their problem, not yours.
Good manners (which may include ignoring blaring symptoms of various illnesses in public) are a blessing in these situations. That young man sounds like a keeper
To your other point re: inhibitions....yes, Mom sure has "lost" some of her social filters w/the dementia. I will say, that usually happens when it's been a long day and she is getting tired. Of course, Mom has never, ever been one to take a break or a nap....she might miss out on something! So....No Way! And, when you are pushing 94, people indulge you....I sure do.
Mom's short-term memory is basically nil at this point....she won't remember a single conversation or anything specific that ocurred, BUT she does remember how she FELT....the best is when she tells me, "Oh....that was such a great party.....we all laughed so much....it was so happy." Well....guess what, Mom, hearing you say that makes me so happy!
Mina, I really enjoyed your comments about your Mom. She may have dementia, and that might be how some people see her, but I can also see that's she gregarious, outgoing, upbeat, and I'm guessing she was a asset to any get-together even before she had dementia, let alone now when she's so spontaneous.
Sometimes I wonder if the inhibitions shown in dementia are there with us always; we just manage to stifle them when we're in social situations but those inhibitions are relaxed if not completely obliterated when dementia arrives...or maybe just old age. I sometimes find myself being more blunt with people who irk me than I would when I was working and felt that I had to put up with a certain level of disagreeable people.
Has anyone considered that people with alzheimers or dementia have moments of lost ability regained, and they can just be messing with us?
For example, he's complementing the fiancee for the third time, raise your water glass, say "I'll second that! " and then, "I'll drink to that! " , (never in a ridiculing manner, but happy!) waiting for all to make the toast.
If that's not possible, bring a walker to assist him out of the restaurant so he won't appear drunk. Or, arrange ahead of time for two people to escort him out to the car while you leave ahead of him to get the car.
After all, how many times is your granddaughter going to get engaged/married.
Aren't most younger people somewhat embarrassed by their elders?
Mine was embarrassed by me talking to strangers as she went through the 'mean girl' teens. Today, I am more embarassed (for her) by what she posts on Fb, because it will interfere with her future profession.
Gorlin, of course my suggestions won't work in all circumstances, and I understand where you are coming from. But it is so good that you do go to these functions, continue to be a part of it, and if you get embarrassed too, then that will bring color to your own cheeks and you will look fabulous! People will understand, and hopefully be loving and gracious to you both.
I understand your concern but urge you to relax and try to enjoy. Your husband sounds like a very sweet, caring man.
Perhaps it's your granddaughter who could benefit from some explanation of dementia and how it affects people. She should learn to be proud of your husband's cordial welcome, as well as being out in public rather than feeling embarrassed and shying from activity.
Maybe the best gift you could give your granddaughter now is insight into how devastating dementia is. From your description of how she felt, I don't think she really understands the issue. Help her understand how he feels and how to support him and you as you battle this dreaded disease.