My mother said something to me that cut my heart out and I can never forgive her for it.

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My brother is getting married Friday and we were going but Sunday night the gout came into my foot and if anyone had the gout you know how painful it is. So since I am the only one here to take care of my mother, I had to get out of my bed and nearly scrawl up the steps to make sure that she is changed and feed and medication is given her-but I told my mother that I will not be able to take her Friday-she afraid to tell my brother what was happening-so I asked her "mother what are you expecting a miracle-you praying that something wiii changed by the morning." She told me that I did pray that your foot will be well enough so that I could go. She did not pray that the misery be gone so I could get back to a normal life but for it to be better enough to take her to the reception-we were not going to the wedding because he getting married in the court house and that will be a little difficult for my mother she is a double amputee but I was willing to get her to the reception. My mother is crule,selfish and mean--This comment hurt me to the core--something will change. I already knew the reason why I was here just to be her servant but she prove it tonight. My brother does nothing for her but to beg and worry her.He does not come and she her and keep her company maybe once month for about 30 mins. You would think that the sun and moon rised whenever he showed up. He get all the glory and I get none. What do you think? I am thinking real hard about putting her in a home-that was one of the reason I been taking care of her because that a place she does not want to go. And of cause by brother do not want her and all of her problems and doctors appointments.And no, nothing is wrong with her mind-that is the one thing that is still strong.

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Okay, I am going to be the "devil's advocate" in this situation. My mother has always treated me as the least important of all of her children although I never gave her trouble, have been somewhat successful in my career, and have been the only child she knows she can count on even though I am the next to the youngest. She has hurt me so many times , but I decided to try to build a new relationship with her after my father died. It is working for us which is vital because I am her main caregiver. However, the question needs to be asked: When is enough, enough? When does a caregiver have the right to make certain the parent is safe and in a good situation, if the parent is just basically unkind to him/her,while the caregiver avoids intense, daily involvement? We each know our own stories and needs, and we have the right to be people as well as caregivers. I plan to always be there for my mother, and our new relationship is helping me heal a great many sorrows related to being the adult child of a high functioning alcoholic. Basically,being a hands on caregiver may be the answer for many of us but may not work for others.You will be in my prayers as you make decisions.
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I agree with the other responder. Sometimes they don't realize what they are saying is hurtful. They are like children in some ways and you must treat them as such. It does not mean she doesn't love you but those of us that do the most for everyone are the ones thay typically get the shaft. That is because they know they can depend on us and we will do whatever we can to make them happy. So take heart in knowing that your mother knows she can rely on you and she is safe with you and you take care of her. Sometimes it hurts and we harbor anger but deep down you know you love her and she most definitely loves you, It was just something she really wanted to do and she was probably looking forward to just having time out with her family more than anything. Please don't put her in a home. Think about yourself and how you would like to be treated as you age. Being put in a home is hard for anyone and especially someone who does not need it. Be the good woman that you sound like you are and suck it up and take care of your mom. I am going through the same thing and I know the joy that is in my heart knowing I am there for my mom just like she has always been for me. My sister does nothing but take mom's money and I do all the work. But after all the years of my sister being mom's favorite, that has changed and I've developed a relationship with my mother that I will always have close to my heart now and my sister wont. Hang in there. Your rewards will be many. God Bless you!
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First of all, the reason your mother is so bent on seeing your brother get married, is for the exact reason you said about him, she never gets to see him. It's why she tries to please him instead of you, cause she knows that's the only reason she'll get to see him is by doing his bidding. Sad but true. She is a slave to whatever he wants unfortunately. It's usually the one that the person feels the safest with that gets the abuse, in your case it's you. People will jump through hoops trying to get the attention of someone that is neglecting them. I would say to you to not get sucked into that trap. When you can't go somewhere or do something for your mom, tell her no. Don't be afraid of her hurtful words when it comes to your brother, because she's desperate to get his attention. Stick to your guns, and take back some of the power you have lost when dealing with her. She's a victim too it seems to me.
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