I put mom back in the nursing home, been almost a month. And already I've had people tell me to either leave her in there permentaly or take her home, and deal with her myself. I had one family member, tell me, " you choose to live with your mother, you choose to care for her. Why can't you take it for a few more years, till she dies?" Realizing no one really wants to help. Mom just wants to go home.
Now that I'm home alone, I'm finally catching up with friends, getting together with college. Looking for a job, there is no way can take care of mom and go to work, go to college, and see friends. I've had people tell me to get home healthcare, that's only for a few hours! What am I going to do, for the other hours that they aren't there. She's in there for physical therapy, but emotionaly, I don't know if I can keep living with mom. She needs and wants attention 24/7 from me. Ya sure, she's doing physical therapy now, becuase she has people at the nursing home, making her do it! When we had home healthcare at home for physical therapy, she didn't do it.
I'm trying to give her space. I need space from her too, I can't even be with her for more then a few hours! Because my damm anxiety spikes up. Don't get me started on being an only child. Had one family friend tell me to get help for mom at home, that she took care of me, that I shoud take care of her. I honestly don't know if I can keep being her caregiver. I'll always be her daughter, but being a caregiver is a choice. Honestly, it's partly on her, she shouldn't have relied on me THIS much, to literally take care of her forever. She should have looked at other relatives, friends, to help out, companies that could have offered help. Then if I did complain, she would throw it in my face that she's leaving everything to me, house, car, all her money. I'm just done, I don't want any of it . Then how she will tell me to go out and have friends, date, have a life, but then wants me with her all the time, me taking her to the doctors, the store, eating out everyday. Now that I'm trying to reach out to family friends, it seems they don't want to hear it. I had to start going to support groups and go on meds for my anxiety and depression. Otherwise, I was going to completely lose it. I'm only now talking to and catching up with friends, because I'm not busy with mom 24.7 I'm at a point were it's almost like I'm choosing between my life and hers. I'm almost 30, she's 80! I've taken care of her since I was 19. One high school friend told me if I take her home I'll be right back at sqaure one, and she might live a long time to where I won't have my own life till I'm 40-50. That's most of my own life gone! I thought I was helping my mom by caring for her, but now a part of me wishes that I didn't because now I'm playing catch up with my life . No one can take care of someone 24/7, go to work, school and have there own life. I'm hitting my breaking point with my mom.