I have been a caregiver for both parents (lost dad in 2012) and now take care of mom..I have nursed her through open heart surgery, carotid endarcterectomies, upper teeth removal, three falls one in which a rod was surgically placed in her left thigh, stitches to the back of her head from another fall, emergency appendectomy, three urinary tract in-fections and dehydration,etc. Plus, I set up all her meds she takes twice a day, plus her insulin twice daily. She has also been hospitalized for impaction of stool as she doesn t drink enough. Aside from all the medical duties, I also clean house, do laundry and run errands. However, my sister is getting lots of money whenever she wants it she just calls- because she is mom s "baby".
It is not fair and mom just sent her money again. It is her money to do with what-ever she feels,,I just had to vent and get it off my chest that I cannot help feeling extremely resentful..Little sis does nothing for mom but ask for money and then for years now, claims that I spend all her money!! When in fact it is her!!! Anyone else going through this stress??!!! Best- Sandi W.

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There is no reason why you & mom cannot set up a "personal care agreement" in which mom pays you a fair amount for the services you provide. It is done all the time and you are best served by having an elder law attorney set this up for you & also at the same time reviewing and updating mom's legal (DPOA, MPOA, etc) if need be. If you need to be paid for your services, they you kinda have to just take a stand on all this and do it. If mom just won't, then let mom & Sissy know that you will not continue and set up a home-health service billed to mom & then leave. Go and visit a cousin, your kids or a friend for a while.

They will come around to understanding the situation but you have to stand firm in all this. Otherwise you are a doormat.

Sissy needs to understand that IF mom needs to go into a facility, that it will cost anywhere from 5K - 15K a month. Either mom pays for this or Sissy pays for it. And because mom has been gifting $$ to Sissy, Medicaid will not pay a penny for her care as there will be a transfer penalty for all that gifting mom has done too.
Everybody is better off with a caregiver agreement in place & hopefully that you can do this for another 5 years and then mom can apply for Medicaid if need be.

Is it five years before the money is prorated? If they go to nursing home?

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