I work in a local dept store and she is alone for a lot of hrs in the house. My daughter is a senior in college and doesnt come home that often. I don;t get into see my daughter because it leaves mom home alone and she calls me several times during the day, which my daughter doesn't like, because it takes away my time with my daughter. My mom is a social lady, she doesn't play cards but I hope she will make friends and do the activities. I will stop by during the week and on the weekends but I'm going to make a point not to show up all the time. It will be an adjustment, she has lived with my husband and I for 20 years. She has called me at work crying telling me to find her a place. The location is 15 minutes from where we live. Do you have any suggestions for me. She would like me to take off a week from work to get her settled and I don't think that its necessary. I would like her to try to adjust and meet other ladies. Thank you.

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Look very carefully at "MANY" possible Independent Housing possibilities and make sure you really understand what things are important to "HER". Look for a property that will satisfy her dining needs because you will find many that have very limited menu choices and at least one that I know of that will even require her to sit at the same seat at every meal.

Find a place where they not only have a "Resident Council" but where such a council is available to and actually responsive to it's residents. Talk not only with their marketing personnel but also wit some residents on the side, to find out what they think of the property and the direction it is going.

Your concern for your mother's happiness and contentment is appreciated by this reader but unfortunately satisfaction for such concern cannot be assured without a lot of effort in carefully scrutinizing the entities that you may be assigning the rest of her life to. Yes, they are Independent Living facilities that will tell you how much they "care" but remember above all else, they are a "business"!!!! "BUYER BEWARE" takes on no greater significance when the bottom line is your "MOTHER".


I put my 92 year old mom in a beautiful assisted living facility near my home in May of 2010. She was living alone 500 miles from me. She suffered a stroke four years ago and her short term memory has been getting worse ever since then. We are assuming she has vascular dementia.
She had lived in the home my dad built for 65 years so moving was very difficult for her. After 10 months in assisted living she is stil homesick and wants me to take her home.
My alzheimers group suggested that we NOT visit as often as we were...and to not even take her outside the facility unless necessary. They said that would help her get accustomed to her surroundings etc. We cut our visits to two a week and will probably start going once a week. We are extreamly stressed out and need to care for ourselves better this year.
I know mother is well cared for in the assist liv facility...and they will call me in case of an emergency. She does not remember the next day if I had been to see her or not. So the visits are primarily for US......she tells folks we have seen her in months. That is part of the diease, If you have confidence in the facility, I would probably let her get adjusted on her own. At mother's they check on her every two hours...make sure she attends meals...and encourages her to participate in activities.
Visit your mom whenever you can....but take time for yourself and your family.
May God give you an extra measure of strength and patience
Jerry in Monroe, GA

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