My mom has been a miserable, nasty, and hateful person all her life. As a mother she has dominated every aspect of her children's life.

Vstefans, im scared of my mom, not that she will hurt us physically, or verbally just the way she is somtimes, i cant explain it, as we grow up our moms are are always there for us. Mine always has for the most part and she taught us good values, i never thought about these things would happen to my mom, i under stand what your saying, and im ready to see a counselor, and the dagers shes gonna give me when i bring her there

When mthr had me in this way, I reached out for mental health therapy for the first time. In my very first meeting, the most kind and compassionate woman put her arms around me and told me that I had done incredible things for my mthr and that I was an excellent daughter. I wish I could put my arms around you and let you know that you are an excellent daughter as well. You have gone far above your duty.

I also found out that mthr was killing me little bit by little bit and that the only thing I could do to protect myself was to separate from her. Painful, temporary until I could get my life under control with out her, but so necessary. It was the first break from her craziness I ever had.

In order to protect your mom from herself, and you from being charged with elder neglect or abuse, I strongly suggest you call Adult Protective Services and tell them what is going on. Tell them that you can't go over one more time or you will have to check yourself in for care, and then who will take care of mom?

Yes, Turn her over to the state. They can take guardianship, tell her where to live, what meds to take, etc, and you can visit someday when your life is under control and she is medicated. But only then.

You are a good person and deserve to be treated as a good person. (((Hugs)))

Mamaj and VeryTired - I am tired too but OMG, what can I say that has not been said, and yet needs to be said again? If mom used to have compassion and empathy but no more, then think about it being due to dementia or depression and seek help for that on her behalf. If mom was always cruel and selfish, and now is just more transparent about it, think about it being narcissism compounded by dementia. LOVE for a parent does not EVER mean letting them eat you and your own spouse and children alive. Covering their bad behavior and debts benefits no one in the long run, because it sucks the life and substance out of you and out of the future you are supposed to be building, and it only enables them to behave even more badly, without natural consequence for the utter failure to appreciate the needs of others. The duty to care does not flow in only one direction; even if you were ruthlessly trained to believe your first and only duty is toward your mother, that it is somehow wrong to ever say no to even the most totally unreasonable demands, it is not so.

Good to hear back from you. I'm sure it did you some good to open up like you did last night.

I would think your late dad would understand what you are dealing with and the difficult choices you are having to make. I doubt that he would hold any of it against you.

Take care of you and your husband for about all ya'll have is each other and that's a lot.


I would imagine that your husband is upset. What would he like to see done?

Thank You to those who replied… I am reading what I wrote yesterday and can not believe, i could write all this… I never ever wrote that much about anything, let alone about my personal life… Today it was yet another screaming match… My hands are shaking and I had severe astma attack… I decided, and I hope, my late dad forgives me, not to call her and not answer her calls… I simply can not do it any more. My husband is very upset. She totally destroyed our life. And she knows that she has me right where she wants me. She gets anything just by crying… What can I say. She is my mother. But tis is it. I refuse to be insulted and be a panch bag literally and figuratively for everything that is wrong with her life… life that she so masterfully destroyed herself. She is visuous narcissist, void of any feeling toward anyone. And so be it...

VeryTired58, your story is a painful description of a living hell on earth. She needs to become a ward of the state and be permanently institutionalized for she is a danger to herself and to others. For one thing, just for you if you can afford it, find a therapist to see or if you can't afford all of it, find a therapist who will charge on a sliding scale. They do exist. You need some help just for you in order to be able to deal with this.

I'd call Adult Protective Services and tell them it is no longer possible for you to take care of your mother who has several severe mental health problems, and what can they do to take over because you are about to breakdown emotionally yourself.

Know that you did not make your mother the way she is. You can't control her nor can you fix her. All you really can do is to put yourself on a healthier path than she is on regardless of what she does or does not do.

So far, you mother has sucked every bit of anything she ever wanted right out of you and your life as a whole. She's going to take you down with her to the end if you don't get yourself out of there.

Can you talk with her doctor directly yourself about what is going on with your mom. Someone who knows her medical/mental history needs to be brought into the loop about this.

I'm sure others will have some ideas but this is my gut reaction to your nightmare of a story. Take care of you and keep in touch to vent and to let us know how things are going. We believe you and you will find others who will believe you.

Verytire58-You mention your mother is bipolar and she refuses her meds. If this is the case there is nothing you can do to make her understand. You are trying to reason with a person who is likely delusional. It is heartbreaking when a mentally ill loved one refuses treatment. Your Mom is battling demons that you will never understand and all your love won't make her better. No matter what you do for her it will never be what she needs. The best thing you can do is let the professionals step in, call them if you have to. Figure out what your limits are and how you should be protecting yourself even if it means keeping minimal contact. If phone calls are too difficult send her cards or short letters. The object is to let her know you still love her. Don't expect her to show appreciation, she is not capable of it.

One of the people I love most in this world is Bipolar1. Support groups for families with bipolar were a real lifesaver for me. I highly recommend you find one and at least get some information about what it is you are dealing with. Please take care of yourself.

Please, Please help me... what you have described just now, is my mom, 82 years old... I can not take it any more...

Yesterday, she drove me almost to heart attack, and I realized, that now I have to save my strength for my husband, who is very ill. I can not save my mother from herself. She refuses any help...

What I wrote here, may seems all over the place and I repeat things, but I ams very emotional and I am very upset to see my mother heading to complete distraction, and blaming me for everything that she messes up in a first place…
What can I say, I cannot tell you the story of my life on one page. It would not be possible… But I just want you to be able to understand why things the way they are and how did we get here…

My mother used to be an Art Historian, had her travel business and took tour buses on tours all over the globe. Her travel business was very popular and she was basking in glory. She was very good…

But only my late dad and I knew the other, dark side of her… How she abused him, once proud military man, and later an engineer, who became a submissive being that would do anything to be left alone. I saw my dad’s suffering, pained by her constant insults and demeaning, in front of everyone, until his death.

My dad and I lived under her control all of our lives. But, over the years, as I got older, I saw something else… I saw a narcissist that created her own "cult" in her mind, and treated anyone that didn't idolize her with discontent.

She spent all money they had on buying things and gambling at the casinos… Eventually, my husband and I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, saving her from creditors and paying off her enormous debts.

She wasted everything they had, saying: “I live today and the hell with tomorrow. I'll figure something out."
And now, when tomorrow is here, she is penniless and what she has in her apartment is all she has …

After my dad died, I was living with her for over a month, so she would not be alone. I packed all her possessions, and my husband moved her to our house.
She was living with us for 8 months. We did everything we could to make her content. We bought her new furniture, new TV (you saw it), so she could watch her favorite shows, or sit outside on the patio and read her favorite books.

When she lived with us, I spent every single night tending to her needs, playing board and card games, talking to her, or watching TV, even though I was dead tired, coming home from work . On weekends, I took her shopping, or to the park, but nothing was enough. Nothing would please her. Every night she got hysterical and yelled at me, until one day my husband asked her to give me a break. I cannot describe what was happening after that… Every day, while she lived with us, was a living hell.

Living with my dad, my mother was used to everything to be done her way, but couldn't stand not having so much power, leaving with us.
I wouldn't go to casino with her, my husband did not want to sit and watch her shows, as my dad had to do. She wanted to run the household.

So, our life became a total nightmare that got progressively worse. She was screaming alone, in her room, how much she hates our house, and everyone in it, and threw things at me. I was her cleaning lady, her maid, her chaperon, her ears and her eyes.

And, still, she would tell her friends how I stole everything from her and my husband was stealing her social security checks. My husband works form home, so he heard all this. I started to lock our bedroom door, when we went to sleep, when she threaten to kill us.

One day, when she started throwing things at me, I had to call police. It was not a light decision. Many times, before that, I would pick up the phone and hang up, unable to do this. She was my mom…

Police came . She was hysterical and screaming. Then, the lady from the psychiatric hospital came to assess if she should be institutionalized. Mom was ranting and raving. It was horrible. They took her away, and she spent the next 4 moths institutionalized…
My heart was broken and it was very tough. I was crying everyday. How could I do this to my own mother, to the person, I loved, still… But my hope was that she will get psychiatric help and medication that would transform my mom into loving and normal person… Well it didn't help, because she found the way to hide the meds behind her dentures, not to get medicated.

The doctors and nurses suggested assisted leaving or nursing home for her, moving back with us was not possible. She refused all facilities, so the judge ordered her to be transferred to an Adult Home. She spent 6 months, there, refusing to take her meds and insulting anyone who displeased with her, until she moved into the apartment that she lives in now. She said once, when she was at that psychiatric facility, that she had never lost the game... and she will not lose this one.

And she won. She got her wish to live alone. She built here castle on my broken heart and my ruined life… She maybe won a game, but she lost a daughter...

Now, it is impossible to deal with her. She is getting more and more verbally abusive, paranoid and physically aggressive. She hates everyone, who does not go alone with here desires and accuses me of everything that's wrong with her life.

I have taken care of her, did everything for her, listen to every whim, spent our retirement money on her, hoping that things are going to get better. When she move into her building, I was hoping that she will make new friends, or just go downstairs and talk to people… but, it never happened. She is still miserable and said that people, living in her building, are beneath her.

Last week she accused me of stealing her driver license...

She told me to bring every single piece of paper to her and that she will handle her affairs herself - banking, phone calls, shopping, etc. This is considering that she can barely hear, see and walk.
She cannot get into a car, without me lifting her legs and actually putting them in. But she's still insisting that she can drive.
She takes a lot of pain meds, but wouldn't take meds that her doctors prescribed to help her depression, bipolar and numerous other personality disorders. She has a stash of drugs and takes whatever and whenever she wants, often overdosing herself.

It pains me to see how fragile she became and how incredibly depressed she is.
My absolutely firm belief that my mother cannot live alone, but if I utter a suggestion of, god forbid, nursing facility, she flies into a rage and throws things at me.

I can not bring myself to tell her that my husband is sick. I could not bear to see her vengeful smile and satisfaction in her eyes…

He once said to me: “Your Mother will destroy both of us and outlive both of us”, and, you know what, first part she successfully accomplished…

Please, please help me… I do not know what to do. Mo mom has one of her "episodes" today and I am at the end of my rope…

Can anyone help me? She is a very sick person and last two weeks have been hell. She scratched my hand so badly, that I probably will have scars forever now.
We did not talk for 10 days, after the episode in the car. I almost hit another car. She was screaming and cursing and calling me horrible names…
Now, today, she is off again. She was picked up to go to the doctor. First time, by herself. I can not take anymore time off to take her and have arranged for pickup. I knew it will end up badly, as she does not hear well, so whatever she does not hear, she compensates with her own version of events.
She told me that the doctor practically refused to see her and was very rude… I've heard all this before, as according to mom, everyone is out to get her…
So I said that I will call tomorrow to the doctor and see what the story is… She blew up and started accusing me that I do not believe her version of things… All I want to do is just to clarify and help her to understand…
She is out of control now and my nightmare is here… allover again…
Who can believe me, that mom needs help, who can believe, that I do not have any ulterior motive, when I say that she belongs in the institution, because she refuses to admit that she is ill…
I can not do this… I am so tired...

kthin3 I'm glad you are coming to a point in your life where you don't feel like you need to justify yourself to judgmental people.

It astounds me how ignorant and insensitive people can be regarding mental illnesses and conditions. Managing a mental disorder is no less important than managing a physical illness. Often times that means knowing your limits. Unfortunately our society does not support that. Instead we stigmatize people who make a choice to do what they must to stay mentally healthy. No one asks to get diabetes or arthritis or any other physical illness. Just like no one asks to have clinical depression, bipolar, GAD, OCD or any number of mental conditions. No matter what, it is cruel and callous to demean another persons illness and suffering.

You are so right when you say let them walk in your shoes. I can guarantee you they wouldn't last a day before crying uncle.

Cmagnum , vestifans,, thanks for the advice, a counselor is already in mind,,the thing about me is i just do what i do when i do it, ive always been like that. Always enjoyed life took wrong turns on purpose to see where i would end up, life is full of chances. Ive always been easy goin, but when i ask you not to do something i expect you not to do it again, my son knows that very well, i dont get in anybodys business unless im asked to do so, Everything i am is all due to my mom, she taught me very well. I dont ask for help unless its somthing i cannot resolve myself. Im very responsible with my life. I want to sit down with my mom and talk to her cuz shes gonna freak if i take her to a counselor. What i need to know from you is this a disease like dimentia or alzheimers that is starting or is it just we dont get along? I really dont know much about this stuff. Any input would be great

mamj, I agree that you could definitely benefit and your family would benefit from you getting some counseling to work on boundaries.

Money will be better spent getting therapy to help you with things than spending it on lottery tickets for something that amounts to a pipe dream for paying off the house.

How was your mother paying for her house before you moved in with her?

Get some help and take care of yourself and your son. Keep in touch.

mamaj, it sounds like you all could really benefit from family counseling. A third party could talk about boundaries, about recognizing unhappiness in others and how to stop contributing to it...it sounds like you mom is so caught up in how she thinks things should be done, that she genuinely needs someone else to tell her she's got to let other people live and breathe in order to get along; you need a counselor in the room so you can tell her plainly that you are so unhappy you would move out in a heartbeat if you could, and the counselor can amplify that and not let her blow it off. You might be given things that you could change also, true. The main thing is that if you are going to share a house for the foreseeable future, staying so miserable, with your own wants and needs - your own personhood, really - so totally disregarded is not a good, healthy option for anyone.

Kthln3, youre not heartless, its not an easy situation, all your energy, physically and emotionly is drained to nuthin, you have no choice but to take care of yourself

I bet thats hard-try to let things go,and know that you are doing the best you can

My mom, who passed away last October after 3 of the most painful years that I have ever endured, fit this description of your mom to a T. How did I cope? I simply went whenever I felt like it--which wasn't often, as I was working, a live-in 24/7 caregiver to my dad, whose world fell apart when mom got sick, and a mom myself--and the rest be damned. I shamelessly LIED to my sibling, who thought it HORRENDOUS that I didn't visit mom every day; I was sick of her santimonious, self-serving attitude and her disdain that I suffer from major depression.

The important thing is KEEPING YOURSELF WELL. I suffered two-count em, two-major breakdowns coping with all of this and got very little empathy from anyone around me. Family felt I was "indulging" my "weaknesses"(!!!); friends headed for the hills. I had to learn the hard way that I had to protect myself and tell everyone who didn't agree to get lost. As for mom, she began to appreciate me more because I didn't come around as much. But if and when nastiness who start coming out I simply got up and left.

I imagine a bunch of replies are going to come from people who say I'm heartless, etc. Walk a couple of times around the block in my shoes and you'll get it. Maybe. Frankly, I don't care any longer if people "get it" or not.

WOW!!!! you have a carbon copy of my mother and mine feels it acceptable to yell and swear at me...she is very much alone as people tend to avoid her....her odd acting and personality disorder are worsening and I am trying to tolerate her but reaching a point of needing space more often than not..

Vstefans, yeah, i think about my son when he was younger and it reallly pisses me off that she did that stuff to him. He was getting his own cereal at 2yrs, he is agreat kid hes in college now and working but i worry about how he feels about his self worth, i talk to him alot about stuff anything he wants to talk about, we go camping and concerts, and we fight sometimes but thats normal, he basically retreated to his computer, he has alot of friends and they are always here, hes not the happiest kid, but hes good and very smart. i tried to have respect for my mmom, now its just sad cuz we really dont want to be around her so we stay away as much as possible, she was agreat mom when my bro and i were younger, in the 70s she booted us out the door and we didnt come home till the street lights came on, she had dinner for us and everything we had ablast as kids out in the woods makin forts, dirtbike trails, hangin at the fish hatchery. Just bein kids. Thats why i thought things would be fine with my son, somwhere down the road she changed not sure where, my brother left cuz of my parents, i guess i didnt see it, i started working at 14 and been workin ever since, thinkin back this started when she came back from north carolina, i let her do whatever she wants, ther are somethings i asked her not to do, its like 3 things, when i found out i was pregnant i told myself i want to be a mom, and experience everything, cloth diapers ,all natural i wanted to do things that moms do like wash clothes make dinner , have fun with all that with my son, im not a conventional person, i do things way off the grid, when nate was 10 i took him to pennsylvania for a festival, he had ablast he met up with some kids with squirt guns, light sabers all kinds of funky stuff everywhere, there was a family that walked around during the day doing monty python skits, it was awesome, when we got home my mom had cleaned my room and reaaranged everything, i have all kinds of books, wicca voodoo, natural healing , college books, just all kinds of books, she reaaranged them all and took all my religious books and packed them away in a box downstairs, i dont practice, i read, i got nate a rainstick and that was packed away also in a poster container downstairs, i respect her privacy, dont go in her room, why is she doing this, im always on edge with her, i took over all the bills, we cant leave, i added a second level on the house back in 03, so we could have our own rooms, i wasnt gonna sleep on the couch, the house is in hers and my name, i already suggested selling, that didnt go very well, she cant afford it on her own , i just cant leave,, im hopin to win the lottery, pay off the house and move to vermont,, she does work part time, but not enough, i know she needs somsthing to do, i suggest all kinds of things, go play cards, go visit friends, she worrys way too much about stuff that doesnt concern her, ive tried talking to her, she doesnt want to go anywhere, its like shes stuck in the past , doesnt want to try anything new or accept that shes older, i accept change and getting older i roll with it, you have to. I dont hate my mom. My dad put her through hell, but i have a lot of resentment towards her , im struggling to deal with it

mamaj, ouch!

It sounds like your children have lost a big piece of their childhood to your mom, unless she has some redeeming features with them, or you have managed to find redeeming features in the situation for them. Did she provide realibale supervision for them for a time, maybe? Would she maybe go to family counseling with you and them? She needs something to do so she feels worthwhile, but is not comfortable leaving the house I'd guess; but is there anything she can do correctly from your point of view, that she is willing to do?

It certainly does seem that separate living arrangements would be in order, because you won;t recapture these years with your kids, and you and mom don;t get along. I'm not sure what your financial options even are. though it seems that from what you wrote mom is not incompetent and you have income. Does Mom have income? If she owns the home you could stop paying the bills and mortgage, and either she picks it up or sells; if you took over ownership, then you could start looking into other arrangements for her and stay, versus move and sell.

What was it like for you growing up? My mom was supercritical of me, and it was interesting that my daughter would not deal with it and limited her interactions, while my son got treated as the golden child. It was so ridiculously transparent and blatant once she developed some dementia that no one really freaked out about it.

hobeclair, you are walking a rocky road with your mother. I hope you have a good pair of shoes! It isn't easy. It sounds like your mother wants the same control of you that she had when you were a child. Your response to her was very good, because it said that it was her problem and not yours. The things your mother said reminds me of some of the things people with dementia say.

I don't know how we cope with some of the things we do. It sounds like you are doing a good job of pulling yourself up from it. It sounds like we need to be getting advice from you, instead of advising you. :) Some parents are just difficult.

Hi i dont know what to do with my mom, she is driving me crazy, shes 72 miserable wont go to the senior center or do anything except sit home yell at the tv and make all kinds of negative comments, ive asked her many times not to do my laundry cuz she either bleaches or shrinks my stuff, she gets mad at me when i rewash some of the dishes cuz there is either soap or dried food still on them. I am a single mom and work 2 jobs, my son is now 18 and he has told me that she has been mean to him when im not home, she brought him to school one nite for an xtra activity while i was at work and she told him that she will be dead soon and that he could take over, nice huh! When he was about 10 he dropped apiece of cheese and she called him stupid and he started crying i freaked on her. Over the years i tried giving him responsibilities and chores to do, but she always did them, i told her to let him do them, well that never happened, every time my son and i wanted to do something outside like weed the garden or plant flowers she would always follow us out and insist on doing it, that was our time. He couldnt mow the lawn cuz she had nuthin to do, our lawn mower was set to her, shes the only one that could use it cuz shes short, the bolts were allwarped and we couldnt ajust it to anyone else,, soo i bought a new one from a neighbor and she got mad and called us copy cats, i told her that we needed a lawnmower that we all could use, she complains to my son about me all the time that i wont let her do anything, i build a big firepit in our backyard, i came home oneday and she had redone it to about one fourth the size i had it, she complains about everything my son used to just sit in his room, now he is going to school and he has apart time job, my mom had gone to live with my brother in north carolina to work, we still had the house, when i left my x my son and i went back to my moms home to live, i started taking over the payments and she was fine with that, but after a year or so my brother told her to leave, he was extremly pissed at her, apparently she was watching my brothers daughter, her granddaughter, while him and his wife went out. Well, my mom had told his 6 year old that she was gonna protect her from her mother, my brother was livid. Who talks like that to her grandkids? My mom is miserable and nasty, obviously there something wrong but not sure what. What do i do? I cant move out, i took over the bills and the mortgage. Help

Babalou unfortunately my sisters don't 'buy into' my 'amateur psychology'. All I know is mother ticks all the boxes as a narcissist, and that I've found this website incredibly useful. But we're all finding our own way.

I went to lunch with a friend yesterday, but first invited her to my home to meet Mom. During the introductions, Mom asked who she was and did I meet her walking my dog. My friend stated she was a friend of mine. My friend and I left for lunch. While I was out, Mom called crying wanting to know where I was and when was I coming home. She stated there was no food in the house and she was hungry. She told me what kind of food she wanted me to bring home. Mom is a food hoarder, she overbuys pantry goods and frozen food. When I got home she verbally attacked me saying I did not know how to help her anxiety. She stated I should call her regularly to let her know I'm okay. I'm the only family member that is willing to care for her. She told me I was rude not to introduce her to my friend (which I did) and again asked where I met her. I answered church to which she rolled her eyes and gestured to me to go away. Then she told me I did not bring food home from the right restaurant. I got the bag and sales receipt with the restaurant logo. Then I got the silent treatment. Obviously she is very manipulative and tries to emotionally blackmail me. All I answered was "you seem to have a lot of anxiety, I'm sorry you feel this way, it must be hard for you". She has been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, but refuses to take her medication or go to therapy or exercise. I know I cannot continue in this arrangement because it is very oppressive. I will be going to a Family Caregiver Support Group that meets every Wednesday. In the meantime any suggestions how to deal with this will be very helpful.

Motherhell can you get your sisters to become AC subscribers?

So since my mother found out I'm off on holiday with my Dad again and started the grand sulk, she's been in hospital to have her knee replaced. She had told all 3 of us girls to keep out of her life. However my sisters visited her and she told one 'you needn't bother visiting me again' but told the other sister 'but you can come'. So we now have a golden child! Poor GC sister doesn't want to be the GC though! I think she pulled GC back because she suddenly realised that she needed at least one of us 3 girls to control. So I'm in 'no contact' which feels like a holiday! Not sure how to support GC though.

lonelyandtired...I feel your pain wholeheartedly. When I was little, I bought my mom some earrings from a dime store and she got so mad at my dad for letting me get them. I also picked her out some scarves when I was about 10 (my dad would take me to get her gifts) and she once again got mad and said, "why would you let her get so many, now I will have to take them back"...My mom always dressed really nice and wore scarves around her neck so I wanted to get her something I thought she would like, but no, she only liked what SHE picked out. I am with you, when my children get me something, I LOVE it. It doesn't matter what it is, I love it. Children take time to really think about a gift, they get things they see you wear, or things that you compliment while you are out. They really pay attention. Mothers like ours on the other hand don't pay attention to us. They are narcissistic and only think of themselves. It is funny how the table turns and we are the caregivers to such mean, selfish people. My mom still says very hurtful things and will ask me, "why did you buy that, why did you bring that here?" I still try just like you, to please her. We were trained to please them, do as they wish. I finally got my mom in AL and it was the best decision other than her reminding me that this will haunt me one day--no it won't. My mom begs me to bring her home with me, but I refuse. I will not be talked to like that in my own home. I almost did though. I came very close to bringing her here because she knows how to manipulate me. So many people that had cared for their parents in their home told me it was a very bad decision. So, for once in my life, I listened to others and not her. I am so glad I did. Now, that your mom will need a different type of care, take advantage of this time. Do not feel guilty about getting your mom the help she needs. In turn, you and your husband will get the time you need together. Guilt comes from their manipulation, not from what we didn't do. You have done everything above and beyond to take care of your mom. Now, this will be more than you can do alone. Good luck with your decision, be strong!

lonelytired, I think it was very healthy for you to tell your story as you did the other night. I'm sure that it would be even more helpful as an adult child of a mentally ill parent who has a personality disorder for you to see a therapist and begin working through all of that.

I'm sure that as a psych nurse, you probably saw the worse of those with a mental illness and those with personality disorders like narcissism, borderline, etc. are really tough. They do see the world differently for their internal world is different.

Take care of yourself and get your mom the care she needs apart from you having to do it directly yourself. It's not healthy for adult children of abusive parents to do the caregiving directly by themselves. Good luck.

People with mental disorders are difficult, especially with paranoid personality disorder. I believe they view the world differently. She truly feels self entitled. I was having a bad night when I shared that and felt so unbelievably exposed after. It made me feel vulnerable I suppose. However, I am glad I put it out there. Only my husband and best friend know all the things that have been my life. Maybe coming here was a God send. It seems to help to know you're not alone in some way.

Lonelytired, your mom would get better care in a hospice facility as the end approaches then you could provide at home. But I'm going to mention something else - NOT to make you feel guilty, because you absolutely have no reason to. Just this, God does not want any of His children to suffer abuse, nor. does he want any of us to be guilty of abusing. Your mom will soon be "on the carpet" so to speak, accounting for what she did with her life. She has plenty to answer for and I hope she is getting ready. Enabling any more of her bad behavior is not really doing her a favor to prepare for what is coming. (I'm assuming here that she is still rationally aware of what she is doing). Pray that she can finally accept the grace to see herself and make what amends she can.

Thank you for this post! You have written a mirror image of my life with my mom.
You are not alone. AND, we're not crazy or mean or ungrateful. I had my husband read your post and he ask me if I had written this. That's how close it hit home. It is hurtful and depressing at the same time. I lay awake night after night and replay things, in an effort to deal with my feelings. Again, Thank you for your post.

I think the lung cancer is the reason TO place her. She's going to need more care and more skilled care than you can give her, and hospice eventually. Find the nicest place you can and visit her. It may improve your relationship with her.