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Hi everyone this is pintos, I just wanted to let you all know that my mom passed away 3-6-09. I miss her so much! she wasnt just my mom she was my best friend. I know that on a few of my post I was complaining about some of the things that she was doing, now I know that it was not her fault and I feel so guilty! but I know my mom does not blame me even though I blame myself for listening to her Doctor who is an idiot! and pretty much killed my Mom. She died a horrible death and I hate him so much, I will explain later but right now my heart is broke so it is hard for me to talk about it. I still have my dad to take care of he is not doing so well he will not eat nor will he talk much. I feel so sorry for him I now that he misses my Mom so much they were as close as two people could be. now he is in the room confined to his bed all by himself, he just stares at the ceiling. They would have been married 58 years this march 30th. please pray for my Dad and me thanks. pintos

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Hi Rojo,
I'm glad you found a geriatric care manager in your area. They are still hard to find. Make sure whoever you hire is properly credentialed. These people can be a Godsend, but there is no special licensing for them yet. It's a growing practice, and most are social workers or nurses. But get referrals and check them. Also, do a background check if you can.

Most of these people are very good. It's pricey, but worth it to those who can afford the services.

Carol
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Pintos... I understand as I had to do the funeral thing, the death certificate thing, still doing the life insurance and investment accounts thing, selling her car, and again, dealing with my dad. He is mean, nasty and now thinks I'm trying to manulipate him. I've called in a geriatric case manager that I found through the website called caring.com. When you have the energy, check that site out and contact a geriatric case manager in your area. I just hired one, and I"m hopeful he will be of some help to my dad. I'm at my wits end what to do to continue to help him. Try to eat, try to exercise. I know you have to drag yourself out of bed every day and force your self to get dressed and just put one foot in front of the other. I know, I understand. Hang in there.
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Dear Pintos, I am new here, and this is my first response to anothers post, but I too am sorry for your loss. I will pray for your Dad, for comfort and healing. I like to think that when a mother passes away, a beautiful gardian angel has just spread her wings. Blessings to you and yours, Cathi
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Dear pintos, you are wonderful, and when your Dad is in that other peaceful life he will come to know all, and especially how much you loved, cared, and sacraficed for him. Hugs to you! Nauseated
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pintos thats ok everything will be alright i will say a prayer for you and your dad and trust me when he goes you still be alright and as far as your brother.......please don't even worry about him you are not doing nothing wrong, you step up to the plate and yes your tired i been there but im blessed that had my parents in my care so don't let your brother get to you let him say what he want, you do what you half to do to make you father comfortable it will be o.k. trust me i know
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Thank you msdiva, you are so very kind and so were your words. I know that my Dad is suffering I do not force him to eat but I do beg him to at least drink his Insures and liquids. I know that he will not be here much longer, he was not suppose to last this long, but my Mom kept him going with her presence she was always nagging at him to quit complaining and eat and get better, she really did not understand how bad he was only 10% of a heart and bed ridden thats because of what was going on in her body that we did not know about! so now that his love is no longer here he really has no reason, but my stupid brother seems to think that he can make him eat and get better sure thats going to happen. The problem is he makes me feel like I am doing something wrong that I am just letting him die! I take care of my Dad 24 7 not him nor any of the rest of mu siblings, I know that one day probably very soon i am going to check on him and he will be gone I have come to terms with that and it is ok! I just need to get my Moms life Insurance money so I can pay of my credit card that I charged her funeral on So that I will have it to use for my Dads funeral . I am so very tired emotionaly but I have to keep going so I do. pintos
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It is amazing, Dan, how everyday problems get thrown into perspective when "real" problems arise. Remember we are thinking of you and praying for peace during this difficult time for you.

Blessings,
Carol
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Thanks Carol, I truly appreciate your thoughts, hopes and prayers. It's definitely an emotional disaster and a difficult mental battle. This makes me question so many things in life, it changes my priorities now. It make me realize how petty our every day "problems" really are.

Thanks Again,

Daniel
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oh pintos i know exactly how you feel i lost my father on the 2 of march and i know exactly how you feeling darling i was taking care of him too but i had the privelege to take care of my mom to but when she died my dad had a very hard time excepting, forgeting ,remembering.please do me a favor don't push him he feels his life is gone and to tell you the truth she is. 58 yrs is a long time to be with a person and he feel that part of him is gone......please don't take that from him let him grieve cause thats the best medicine he can have without water it hurts i know truly i know im still grieveing of my mom and now i have to grieve for my dad they say it gets better but you know pintos to me it doesn't
i cry all the time even before my dad passed. yeah i know you say things you complain but then you think..........these people gave me life the breath that i take for 58 yrs they gave their time to us and now we give are time to them and then after words we have only memories and if good ways the bad then it tremdous thats the way i feel i went through alot with my family but there is one thing i woouldn't let them and they tried to take dads memory of mom i fought them and i won so let him grieve he will be ok i promised you keep me imformed we can talk darling their was 12 of us and i was the only one and i feel good about that my parents pick me.
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Shad, my heart breaks for you. You are too young to be going through this. Treasure your mother and the time you have together. We are praying for you.
Carol
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You are corageous, Pintos. I tried working through the VA on some stuff that was wrong about my dad's records and got nowhere fast. It takes a lot of stamina.
Good luck with this.

Carol
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Hi everyone, thanks for all of your post! its nice to see that people actually care even for a stranger. Well today is 1 month since my mom went to the ER and died 5 days later,but it seems like just yesterday I miss her everyday!. I have been through Hell and back, I was elected the one who would have to pick out her coffin make all the funeral arrangements pick out a dress for her to ware shoes well you get the picture o yah and pay for the funeral because her life insurance has not paid out yet. My husband is great he has helped me do everything while my 3 siblings have done absolutely nothing!! all the while caring for my Dad. He is not doing so good to be honest I thought that he would have already given up, he has not eaten solid foods for at least 2 weeks now all he will eat is cream soups or cream of wheat, and I get him insures which I have him drink at least 3 a day. When he does eat is cream whatever it is only like 6 bites which is not very much! so need less to say every time I go in his room I think im going to find him dead and it scares me, I am not ready to do this again so soon. I have had to deal with so much crap you would not believe it! first getting the death cert. Then trying to get her medical records what a joke. I finally got all the paper work done and noterized so now I have to wait for about 15 buisness days before they are done. I am going to file a provider negligence against her Primary, or a formal complaint. This Doctor neglected to provide the proper care for my Mom which resulted in her death. He would not listen to me or the home nurses so my Mom died a horrible horrible Death because of him!! so I am doing this so nobody else has to suffer like she did at his hands. I am not sure how to go about it but getting all her medical records is a start. If anyone out there knows anything about how to do this I sure could use the help! and I would be so grateful, thanks everone. Pintos.
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Hello,
I'm new to this forum,and I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my wonderful mom 2 months and 27 days ago. It's very weird how, with the birth of a baby, you mark every day and month of their new life. When you lose you mom, you do the same because it is all new and really sad. I'm caring for my 79 yr old father now, who does not live with me. He is angry, mean, I think has dementia, has no clue of money or anything because my mom did it all. He also has macular degeneration and cant drive. He has now informed me he no longer wants me to care for him. Well, my brother takes no part in his care, although he is able (thats another post), so I've turned to a geriatric case manager. Hopefully, he'll help Dad and we can jointly care for him. He may have more success than I have. I've done everything in my power to try to help him, and all I get is grief and nastiness from him. He is so difficult.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. The hole in my heart will never heal for my mom,and I understand how you feel.
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Dear Pintos,

I'm very sorry for your loss. As I type this message I can't help feeling really sad. I'm only 28 but I feel like 60. I can't say that I understand how you feel because I've never lost anyone close to me but I feel the torture everyday. My Mom was recently diagnosed with Terminal Pancreatic Cancer. I am also the closest person to her and well I can't bare watching her die slowly right in front of me. I'm afraid all cancers are a horrible way to die but it's also become a trend apparently. Sorry again for your loss <----even these words piss me off, we shouldn't have to say them, there should always be a way to solve problems. My Mom Wants to live and I can't do anything about it!! She says it like she means it. Take Care Pintos and I will pray for you and your Dad.
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Dear Pintos,

Sorry to hear about your lose, I went through a similar experience with my Mother and even though I own a home care company in the Phoenix area and have dealt with these issues since 1979, it was very difficult to get over her death. I received free grief counseling from a Hospice company which really helped me recover. I would call a Hospice in your community and ask them to help you with your feelings and your father's situation. Hospice care is free and a terrific service. Good luck to you and God bless.
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You're in my prayers, as well, Pintos. There are always mixed feelings, but the pain of loss is there. Take time to grieve.
Carol
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Dana,

I am so sorry for your loss. The bond between a mom & daughter is a precious gift, we all understand your loss and will be there with you in the days and months to come. You and your family will be in our prayers.
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Pintos, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers!
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Pintos, I am so sorry for this very sad time in your life. Know that we are thinking of you and you and your family are in our prayers. Let us know how you are doing. God bless
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Dear pintos, so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts, my Mom was my best friend too. We all feel for you, and understand that it is hard to talk about it, much less write about it. We will pray for you, for strength and for your Dad too. Your Mom understands, and please don't feel guilty. She will not hold it against you, and is in a much better place now. Hopefully you can come back to us when you can and talk. Take Care, Nauseated
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