2 of her 5 sons are her healthcare proxies and are refusing hospice. she is now on pain patch to keep her comfortable. well the other day when i went to see her she looked me straight in my eyes and told me she wants to go home and then started to cry. as much as i try to comfort her i feel like her sons need to give her permission to "go home" but there is way too much denial on their part and it really saddens me. so out of 10 people that are her caregivers, the number is shrinking down less and less are going out to help tak care of her yet it seems like her sons dont want to let go. SHE IS NOT MY MOTHER AND I CHOSE TO GO AND HELP OUT WHEN AND WHERE I CAN BUT SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO WALK AWAY FROM THIS AND FORCE THEM TO LOOK AT THE SITUATION AND DEAL WITH IT. ANY FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
one of the symptoms is loss of bowels/bladder. as she is on fentanyl patch and the side effect is constipation, she has not been given any type of laxitive or stool sofener so not sure if this is part of the dying process or what?????
Deeply held religious beliefs certainly color how we feel about appropriate treatment for those on the last leg of their earthy journey. What you describe sounds to me like differences in relgious beliefs. If possible I would think that MIL's beliefs should prevail. Ideally MIL chose ONE child to be medical proxy, and that was one whose religious views were most like her own and whom she could expect to stand up for them. Alas, that often does not happen.
By all means, get counseling and comfort for yourself. I think you let the brothers sort out their religious differences and make decisions accordingly. Continue to give comfort to MIL as you are able.
Know that the ultimate outcome is that MIL will die. In the normal course of events she would have died before her sons in any case, and the cancer has shortened her life expectancy. This is very sad, very hard to accept, and very stressful. That doesn't make it less true. Please get help dealing with this loss. You deserve it.