Today, I thought I was alone. After finding this website, I see that I am not. Your stories of abusive mothers are the same as mine - just the names & places & some facts are a little different. So I won't repeat them. I just want to say thank you all for being here. My mother is 98 and healthy and living alone. Her best friend is Judge Judy. She hates everyone and trusts no one - she is becoming more & more paranoid & delusional at her own hands. She will not get help as there is nothing wrong with her she says, but there is something wrong with me and I (her only child) am trying to steal from her (she is on public assistance - she has nothing to steal). I am 61 and declining because of her abuse. She has taught me since childhood that I am a substandard person and how to be a world class victim. I am working daily to change that and have made great, extraordinary strides, but she undermines it daily. I hope to win the battle and just knowing that I am not alone and you all have suffered at the hands of someone who was supposed to love and guide you in a positive manner, gives me hope to continue being strong. Today I wanted to give up - tonight I will rest - tomorrow I will fight back and try to reclaim myself as a human being instead of a punching bag - thank you, my wonderful new friends. Bless all of you. I've had it with mommy dearest. This is elder abuse - abuse by an elder. I'm mad as H___L and not taking it any more. My family deserves better.
With my dysfunctional childhood, I'm quite sure I would have added to the delinquent population!
Bottom line here: We are the ones who must change! Our mom's are never going to change - they see no need. After all isn't everything going their way. Aren't we the ones revolving around their every need? They snap and we jump. Then we keep jumping until we've worn out our springs! Then we become resentful and cry and sing the blues to anyone who will listen until we've worn out all of our friends and our husbands leave us.
thank you for sharing-its great to share with people who really understand.
I love reading your post. I had to read it twice because I wasn't sure I didn't write it! I didn't see a date when it was written so I'm going to assume it's really new or really old. This is a wonderful website and I'm so lucky I found it! I have so much in common with you. Only child, trying to please an elderly parent, etc., etc. What really is an eyeopener for me is how far I have come in the reality of the situation. I posted a few "poor me's" on this site. Wonderful comments were sent to me and I did get a few hugs which were really appreciated. I have to tell you at this point that I've been in therapy most all of my adult life and recently attended a support group which I'd not been attending for quite sometime. Well, after one meeting my entire perspective changed. What I learned is that I had reverted back to my same old behavior that I learned as a child - trying to make mom happy! Let's see what else I can do to make mom happy! I'm trying to spare her any bad news so that she can concentrate on her recovery! This is called "stinking thinking" that we develop from growing up in dysfunction. Always, always trying to please, make someone happy, make them proud. Well, bottom line is, it's impossible! Might as well do something to please yourself, then at least someone is pleased! And hey, don't worry about winning the battle - you'll never win the battle. Concentrate on winning the war!
I had to chuckle when you said you're mom's best friend is Judge Judy. Same here!