Elderly unhealthy parents raising unruly grandchildren. The mother of the children is in prison for 5 DWI's
The 11 year old picks at and cusses at my stepmom who has dementia; in return the 75 stepmom cusses and screams uncontrolably for hours at a time. This causes tremendous stress on my dad who is almost 80 and has a leaky heart valve. He has an ulcer and extreme shortness of breath. He also has a 20 year old grandaughter (sister of 11 yr old) who runs wild, has destroyed 3 vehicles of theirs and keeps hounding them for money all the time. The last incident almost took my dad over the edge. What should I do? I feel they are being abused. The mother of the children has abused them also by her drug addiction and disrespect. The father of the 11 year old lives and hour away. She spent the summer with her dad and step mom. During this time, my dad's wife has had no episodes of screaming and cussing. My parents do not seek medical help for their conditions. Stepmom urinates all over the house and has not bathed in 8 months. I am 4 hours away from where they live. I was there for 4 days last week and tried to get her to take a bath (offered my assistance but she refuses. Healthwise, my dad is on his last leg. What should I do?

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I appreciate your response. The grandfather has custody of the 11 year old. That was given by a judge when his daughter was sentenced. The daughter who is prison, thinks she could be out by February 2013. She was sentenced to 8 years and has served two. She tells Dad not to worry about her, that she has the joy of the Lord that is holding her up during this time. We have heard this story so many times before. We would really like to believe her this time. I had someone tell me one time that you can't change the spots on a leapard. But, I also know the power of God. If I contact anyone for help, I'm afraid my dad will never speak to me again. He would know it was me. My dad and I have a close relationship because we were raised by the same people. We relate to each other and the old generation. His daughter in prison, his son, my half brother, who is a dope addict (who's had his children taken away because of drugs and the living environment (which was turned in to the authorities by his mother and another son who is my biological brother who never comes around have been no help(according to my dad and he's right) My real brother who I love dearly, is the executor of the unwritten will. My dad is telling me all this stuff to write down. I have told my brother and Dad, that Dad needs to be talking to him, not me. He recently gave me instructions on some things he wants to me write and up and have him sign. I suggested that he let me take him and my stepmother to see an attorney and have a professional right this up knowing that the family is dysfunctional and the losers will fight until the end (even though there is nothing substantial to fight for)
No one else in the family offers their assistance. I THINK the dad would take responsibility of the child, but if I get involved... everyone except my biological brother would have nothing to do with me. Truly - all I care about is my biological brother and my dad. I respect and treat my step mom well because my dad loves her so. I do my best to reduce their stress. I son't won't to cause addition stress on my dad because his health is in a bad way. My dad lives on less than $1,200 a month but gets child support ($500 ??) for the 11 year old and government assistance of about $700. I know he needs the money he is getting for the child. I'm paralyzed.

who awarded them custody of the children while mom in prison? The court? Did they assign a social worker or case manager or other govt agency? If not, you could find the child and adult protective services agency in the state they live in and report the situation so they can be offered services or other help, or maybe alternative placement for the children? Perhaps another family member, including the father? These poor kids and their grandparents need help.,

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