My head is spinning out of control tonight & my heart is breaking. I do NOT understand why older people have to suffer at the end of their lives......especially when they have been good people and never hurt anyone
I watched my Dad pass in March from one massive painful seizure after another...due to an infection from shingles that entered the spinal cord and went to his brain. It was horrible to see him suffer like that. He tried so hard to tell me something important several different times....but he was unable to verbalize anything to where you could understand him.
Few weeks later....my Mom (who was in the moderate stage of Vascular Dementia) had a stroke. Now has aphasia and can barely speak but very few words that you can understand. She is bedridden. This stroke has really messed with her head and I am not sure she even knows who I am now except the mean ole b*tch that changes her diapers......but she remembers my Dad. Oh how she remembers him! She calls out his name all day, I just keep telling her he isn't here right now & that has satisfied her until today. Today when I said that she began crying. It broke my heart. Between the dementia and the stroke, she would not understand if I told her Dad had passed and she must think that after 70 years, he has deserted her. She is under care of Hospice and probably won't be around much longer and here I go again, not being able to understand things she is saying to me.
I just don't get the cycle of life. It just seems wrong that it has to end this way. Nope.......I don't want to live to be in my 90's.......NOPE, NOT AT ALL~