Just so tired of my father...I pray I never grow old with any of his bizarre bitter behaviours.
I have tried to enjoy him for what he is....but what's the point.
1. Only communication is about what he daily there are demands and orders...just his convenient PA.
2. Go to visit on a time clock makes it clear after a couple of hours we need to leave.
3. Mutters and swears under his breath...gets frustrated and angry when things aren't sorted smoothly.
4. Walks out of the room when I'm dealing and solving problems for him.
My friend brought him some lovely gifts....muttered all the way through...swearing when opening gifts....just horrid.

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If dad does not have dementia.
If dad can care for himself.
If dad is safe living at home himself
I suggest the following.
*Give dad 1 maybe 2 days a week, Only as much time as is needed to accomplish what needs to be done.
*Any paperwork that needs to be done if possible do it at your house or on line if you can.
*If he begins to complain tell him that you are not going to tolerate that type of behavior. If it continues get up and leave.
*If he begins to mutter, get angry and frustrated take a break, if it continues leave.
(side comment here, if he is getting frustrated anger will often follow. If he is having problems getting his thoughts across to you and this happens often it might be a sign that he is having memory problems. It might be something you want to discuss with his doctor)
You need to set boundaries as to what you expect and what you will tolerate. He needs to respect that. (but that all goes out the window if he is diagnosed with dementia of any type)

Well #1 is just standard for us all. It is all about them all the time. I am amazed you last several hours. My visit to my father would be 30 minutes. After 5 minutes the rest of the visit would either be in silence(when I gave up making small talk) or asking me when I was visiting again. That is all he cared about...when am I visiting again. If he lived closer I should have done 3 five minute visits instead of one 30 minute one. And then I would get sent on an errand.

Honestly, how often do you visit? Can you do two shorter visits instead of one long one? My other advise is to just end the visit when he gets nasty. Has this always been his personality just magnified with age?

I'm so sorry. Your feelings have been terribly hurt and you do indeed sound very tired.

Could you fill us in on the background a little? If you just want to get things off your chest that is absolutely fine, and I'm sure you'll hear nothing but sympathy from us; but there could be constructive ideas to be had, too.

[PS I had to laugh, seeing you posted under Elder Abuse - normally we'd assume it was the elder being abused, rather than the elder as perpetrator!]

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