Dreading the upcoming Mother's Day.

Btw-mitzipinki- I like your suggestion! Sounds like you and your husband have a good system! :0)

@MichkaM, after 20 years of dysfunction from my husband (a whole other topic), then he seeing the true colors of my mother that I lived with for a lifetime and then realizing how dysfunctional his mother was after she died.... things are healing quite drastically.

Alcohol (although not recommended in high doses), does hep calm the nerves. Both would grate on mine. As an only child, small family, and no emotional escape, I found a counselor who I swear is an angel in disguise and an occasional drink helped me cope until the passing of my mother. Now I rarely if ever have a drink and my counselor has turned into a working partnership/counselor to help on some projects I'm into.

Take the lessons you learn (even when overwhelming) and let life teach you. Sometimes we cannot escape our circumstances, but we can sure find ways to cope!!

Happy Mother 's Day to all dear mothers. After a weekend of our daughter's wedding celebration, we will return home and visit Mother tonight. I urged my siblings to come soon, as it seems this will be her last one. She is now helpless and I must try to remember the positive things about her. I know I had the Mother intended for me to cause my growth in this life. Who knows what has happened to women who are not nurturing or loving to their children. Something scary and devastating, I suppose. It is so puzzling to me, and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I have been blessed with great kids who honor me every day. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be their Mother, and also to be a mother figure for a few of their friends who also had less that supportive mothers. Love to all, xo

My partner's brother called him yesterday morning to inform him that their mother was waking up in the hospital on Mother's Day. We are horrible because we try to keep her from hurting herself in any manner. We wondered how long it would take for her to end up in the hospital. We ate breakfast & showered & went to the hospital. I sat in the lobby because I knew I was not welcome. I COULD have relaxed in the beautiful day and read a book, but I went into the store & picked out some flowers for his mother and then drove my partner to the hospital. We got home just before 4 PM. Let's see. I did not get to see my daughters. (I usually drive my partner because he is in the care of a pain management doctor. This stress has increased his pain!) From what I heard, all his mother did was complain. She is never happy. It is sad.

Harpnjack, my family is dysfunctional. I am fortunate that I learned to not expect anything different from them years ago. If we can stop wanting people to do things they are NEVER going to do, well that is the first step to being free of them. People only have as much power over you as you allow them.

When we can accept our flawed parents and don't expect anything different - well it's the first step toward parenting and satisfying ourselves.

And acceptance doesn't mean putting up with bad behaviors. Acceptance means that if you are incapable of ignoring such behaviors than give yourself permission to protect yourself by staying away from people who hurt you.!

And feel good about it- believe me, some parents take a great deal of satisfaction from hurting their children. Encourage your partner to take that power away from his mom.

A person who is capable of realizing that the parent is not meeting their needs and is hurting them is equally capable of parenting themself and protecting themself from harm. They only have as much powers over us as we give them.

Well, how's it go Debralee? At least it is over, no? My daughter gave me flowers and then said "Is it over now?!?" haha